Gilded Craving - Olivia Jaymes Page 0,57

although she'd been shocked by how it had intensified. His mere touch was electric.

She didn't regret kissing him either. He was a damn fine kisser and if anything had only become more skilled since their last make-out session.

But...this was more than a kiss. This was a big deal.

It could never be casual between them and they both knew that. There wouldn't be any hooking up and then saying goodbye a few days or weeks later as if what happened didn't matter.

It did matter. They mattered. They'd crossed over a line tonight and while she didn't want to go backward, she sure as hell didn't know what was ahead. Were they both really ready to try again? She wanted a second chance with him, but it wasn't going to be easy. They had over a decade and a thousand miles between them. It would be hard work to bridge that gap.

It would be worth it, but they both had to be all in. No half measures. Watching him walk out of her life again would be too painful. It had been hard enough the first time.

To his credit, Ryan didn't try and get her to talk much, letting the silence settle uncomfortably between them. They both knew they were going to have to talk eventually but it was good to try and wrangle all the thoughts and emotions into something moderately coherent.

If he's not all in, it will be okay. I'll survive. Heartbroken, but okay. I'll move on.

Her life had been perfectly fine before he'd returned, and it could be fine again. It would be better with Ryan in it but that might not be an option.

She unlocked her apartment door and dropped her purse and keys on the kitchen counter, Ryan on her heels.

"Do you want a glass of wine?"

He shook his head. "Not really. Do you want to slap my face?"

Straight to the point. It was a relief, honestly. No circling the topic or beating around the bush. They'd just get down to it. It was the best way.

"No. Is that something you're into now? Getting slapped? Because that's not my kink."

Ryan threw back his head and laughed, which was exactly what she'd hoped he would do. It helped ease the wall of tension that had built up between them on the way home.

"Sassy as ever, babe. That's what I love about you. And no, that isn't my kink either. I was just wondering if you were feeling that I took advantage of you. I made the first move."

"And I made the second," Mariah replied, settling into the corner of the couch and tucking her bare feet under her. "I have no regrets."

"That's good."

They stared at one another for a long moment, neither one wanting to be the next to speak. This was the tricky part.

Sighing, she rolled her eyes. "So...talk to me. We kissed. Do you want to do it again? Because I do."

"Hell, yes. Of course I want to do it again."

He was still standing in the middle of the living room.

"But we need to talk," she finally said. "We need to decide if it's a good idea. If we can really do this."

His shoulders slumped slightly. "I want to make this work, Mariah. I'm just going to take a leap of faith and put that out there. I've never been able to get you out of my head or my heart. I want a second chance. What about you?"

He'd been brave and now she had to do the same. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking so hard she had to tuck them under her knees. For all her jokes and bravado, she was scared shitless. It was like jumping off a cliff and praying that someone below had accidentally left a mattress behind to break your fall.

There were no guarantees. They'd grown up but had they changed enough? She didn't have the answer.

"I want that, too," she said, sounding almost breathless which wasn't surprising. She was almost dizzy just sitting here from lack of oxygen. "I'm scared, though."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Me, too. I don't want to fuck this up. I want this to work, Mariah."

"But...?"

"No buts. I want this to work and I'm willing to do what it takes. I just–"

He broke off just as Mariah had finally taken a deep breath.

"So there is a but."

"I don't want us to fall into old habits. We've both changed. I just want it to be enough."

At least they had the same