Chapter 1
Ryan stared furiously at my father, who upon my mother's instructions, decided to paint his room pink just before my arrival. He glared at my mother as she went about her day. Watching her belly get bigger. Knowing that I was coming. Waiting for his death to turn upside down. He had a nice little hiding spot up here in his room. He wished everyone would just go away. He waited and wished and waited some more, knowing that his wishing went unheard by anyone. He knew that I was coming, he just didn't know what I was bringing.
Our first night together in the house, he stood at the foot of my crib and glared at me. "What right do you think you have? This is my room, get out of here! How dare you do this to me!" he shouted in frustration. The fact that I was there was an intrusion of his privacy. The fact that he was there was an aberration of nature. But I was just a baby, how was I supposed to know that?
Ryan realized I could see him fairly early on. One time, sick of my crying, he started to sing a lullaby in hopes it would get me to shut up. Much to his amazement, it worked, so he would continue to sing me his favorite songs from his life. I would respond favorably to his soft voice, the haunting melodies had the desired effect and helped him to pass the time. And besides, it wasn't like anyone else could see or hear him.
When I was a toddler and starting to talk, my mother worried about my well being as I would point and babble incessantly at nothing. Maybe there's a bug flying around, she would think and go about her business. Ryan would sit and smirk like it was our own little secret. At some point he found he had grown quite fond of me. Maybe it was because I was the only person in the world who could see him. Maybe he had a soft spot for babies. Maybe because he was perverting an innocent mind with his ruffian ways. In any case, he found himself following me around everywhere when I was home.
When I was around three, I would have tea parties in my room with my dolls and tea set around a tiny table. There would always be a spot set for an empty chair. One day my mother asked if she could join and I howled there wasn't room.
"But Lucy honey, there's an empty seat right here."
"No, Ryan is going to get sad if you take his seat."
"Who is Ryan, your teddy bear?"
"No, he's Ryan!" I exclaimed pointing directly at him. He sat there looking between me and my mom as if the fact that I just pointed him out would suddenly make her see him.
"Oh, okay, Ryan," she said nodding to the empty seat. "Sure honey, you and Ryan have a good time then."
"Mommy, do we have Earl Grey? Ryan likes it."
"How do you know what Earl Grey tea is?"
"He told me."
"No, we don't have Earl Grey. Just drink your juice."
"Okay, mommy."
My mother perused child psychology books after that and wondered if she should be worried about my state of mind, but eventually chalked it up to an imaginary friend. Besides, with my older sister Natalie now in school and another new baby arrived to take up all of her time, she was just happy that I was keeping myself busy.
It wasn't long after that when I realized that no one else could see Ryan. I think I was in kindergarten when we had the big talk. I caught him off guard when I suddenly asked, "Ryan, are you dead?"
"What?"
"Are you dead? Are you a ghost?"
"Who told you that?"
"Well, no one else can see you, I've been thinking that you must be a ghost. But you're not scary so I wasn't sure. I thought ghosts were supposed to be really scary."
"You're not scared of me?"
"No, you're just Ryan."
"Lucy, I am a ghost."
"How did you die?"
"I was in a car accident when I was only 19. I wasn't wearing my seatbelt and we hit another car straight on. I flew out the front window."
"That's yucky."
"Yes, Lucy, it was very yucky."
"Why didn't you go to Heaven?"
He sighed a long deep sigh shaking his head and answered, "I don't know. I'm stuck with you I guess."