Getting Lucky - Jennifer Lazaris Page 0,42
for years so I don’t have to feel anything. When I open that bottle, it explodes all over me and anyone else who happens to be standing too close. Unfortunately, tonight, that happened to be you.
“The frustrations of the past few weeks—no sleep, playing like shit, no sex, the stuff with us and then tonight with memories of Danielle—it put me over the edge. You must think I’m so fucked up.” He leaned his chin on top of her head and pulled her close.
She wrapped her arms around him. “You’ve been hurt. That much tragedy would mess anyone up. Seeing you so upset tonight—it really scared me.”
He pulled back and gently tugged on a lock of her hair. “You kind of scare me, too.”
“I do?”
He took a step back out of her arms. “I’ve been hiding from any kind of real connection with a woman for seven years. I treated sex like a business transaction. And the control aspect…” he trailed off. He waved his hand dismissively. “It got out of hand, and that's not a side of me I ever want you to see.
“Don’t get me wrong, I still love being adventurous in the bedroom. I just went to an entirely different level with that after losing Danielle and my son. I didn’t want to feel anything for anyone after they died.
“I only wanted the physical contact. When I was controlling, I was able to disconnect myself from it all. Trust me, I know how twisted and fucked up that sounds.”
“You were trying to protect yourself,” she said.
“Yeah, I guess. Then I met you, and I broke every one of my rules. You gave me your virginity, and you were so damned sweet. I was so attracted to you.” He twined a long lock of her silky red hair around his finger.
“You have something special that drew me in. That hasn’t happened to me since Danielle.”
She placed her hands against his chest, and he continued.
“I wanted to see you again, but I didn’t know how to go about things except to try and fit you into my fucked up world.”
He shrugged. “Call it a force of habit, but it doesn’t matter. I should have known better. I shouldn’t have ever done that to you.”
She touched his face, feeling the stubble along his jaw, and he leaned closer.
“This crazy, intense connection we have, it’s real. It’s not casual, no matter how much I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise. And it scares the shit out of me. Loving someone, and then possibly having them taken away from me again? I can’t go through that, Zoe. I can’t.”
He took a deep breath. “I can’t lose you, too.”
***
Zoe’s chest tightened, and her stomach dipped at his anguished expression. She wrapped her arms around his neck, only to feel him shaking.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She cupped his face with her hands. “Okay?”
Ryder pulled her to him and held her close. “I think we both know where this is headed with us,” he said, tracing his fingers along her waist.
Zoe held her breath. She looked into his eyes and nodded.
“I’m not someone who is good at talking about feelings. Hell, that much should be obvious by now,” he said, touching her cheek. “But you need to know that I’m falling in love with you, Zoe. All I want is to make up for lost time and start proving it to you.”
Zoe closed her eyes. She’d wanted to hear those words for so long.
“It’s crazy,” he said. “You’ve never found anyone you could connect with, and I haven’t been able to let myself connect with anyone. It’s almost like we were supposed to find each other, eh?”
Finally able to speak, she asked, “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
“I wish I could erase the past two weeks and go back to the night you told me you haven’t been able to stop thinking about me. Things just got so messed up.
“I never got a chance to tell you that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, either. Every touch, every kiss and every glance—I replay everything over and over again in my mind. I’m so glad you were my first everything. I’m falling in love with you too, Ryder.”
***
Ryder closed his eyes, letting her words wash over him. It felt like balm—soothing to his soul.
He’d been struggling over whether or not to tell her about what had happened with Milla. Even though he hadn’t had any commitment to Zoe then, the look on her face when