Getting the Axe - Nikki Mays Page 0,24

going to have to start stalking one of my best friends.”

I roll my eyes and smile at him. “This again?” I giggle as I finish up the omelet.

His eyes go wide. “Yes, this again!” He huffs at me like he can’t believe that I would even ask that question. “We got distracted with fetishes about peeing on a tree while dressed up like a dog.”

I frown at him. “I thought we got distracted by tiger cubs.”

Brad shakes his head vehemently. “No, it was about weird fetishes. Then it turned into that bitch Carole Baskin.”

“Do you really have to say that every time you say her name?”

“Of course I do.” He scoffs. “That’s one of the best parts of the show.”

“Do you two ever talk about anything normal?” Comes from the living room.

“Don’t act like you haven’t seen The Tiger King Noah!” Brad shouts back.

“I haven’t,” Noah growls. “Who the fuck would want to watch something that stupid?”

Brad and I both grab onto our chest dramatically. We binged that show without any shame. I cannot believe that Noah just said that. Okay, I can believe that coming from him, but still. That’s just sacrilegious or something.

“We need to do something about that,” Brad mumbles before helping me carry plates into the dining room.

I nod my head in complete agreement. “Don’t worry, I have a plan,” I whisper back.

Noah gives up nervous glances as he takes a seat at the table. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Brad and I look downright scary with our overly bright matching smiles.

“What are you two up to? You both look disturbed.” My handsome, yet extremely grumpy new roommate mutters before taking his seat at the table.

“Oh, nothing.” I chirp before taking my own seat. “Eat up before your food gets cold.”

Noah looks at the food like it’s poisoned or something. Geesh, you accidentally stab a guy one time and he questions everything that you do.

His eye and cheek do that weird twitching thing, but he doesn’t say anything else before cautiously taking a bite of his food.

Brad eyes him over the rim of his cup. “Why are you eating like that? It’s just an omelet.”

Noah chews thoroughly before replying in a grave voice. “She’s already stabbed me. You can’t blame a guy for erring on the side of caution.”

I gasp in indignation and end up choking on the bite that I had just taken. I start coughing worse than a pack-a-day smoker. I take a huge gulp of my coffee to make sure everything works its way down.

Once my coughing fit is done I wave my hand at the two men who are just sitting there not moving at all. “No, no, don’t worry, I’m not choking to death or anything.”

“You choked on a taco last week.” Brad gives me an obnoxious smirk.“I’ve seen you manage to almost kill yourself with a Skittle. I had faith that you would recover from this one.” My annoying boss mutters.

“I’m not that bad,” I grumble and ignore the matching snorts so that I don’t actually poison them. I look at Noah with a glare. “And I didn’t poison your dang food, you grumpy butthead. Just eat up, we have plans for the day.”

Noah blinks a few times before a frown marks his irritatingly handsome face. “Did you just call me a butthead?” He asks slowly. Oh, so slowly.

“Will everyone just be quiet and eat?” I grumble before digging into my food with a flourish.

I ignore the way they both watch me, like I’m about to choke again. I make sure to take small bites to save myself from any further embarrassment.

Seven hours later:

“So the police really never questioned her when her husband went missing, but they put the guy with the mullet in jail for talking about killing her?” Noah asks me as we’ve just finished up all the episodes of The Tiger King.

“Pretty much.” I nod my head.

We’ve sat on my couch all day watching the amazing ridiculousness that is this show. Noah was hooked after the first twenty minutes, but he kept on pretending like I was torturing him until the third episode. After that, all pretenses were gone…he was hooked.

Brad left at some point, grumbling something about being the third wheel again. I told him to stay. but he just gave me a weird look before leaving. Poor guy is having such a hard time dealing with the fact that Stacey is hiding who she’s dating.

Noah stretches out his legs beside