Genesis Girl (Blank Slate #1) - Jennifer Bardsley Page 0,22
anybody to witness my moments or experience them with me. Without the Brethren, I’m in solitary confinement.
“Sophia?” I hear somebody say from way behind.
I turn my head and look. Cal is standing next to the cello, and his face blanches like he’s seen a ghost.
“Oh, forgive me, Blanca. I thought, I thought I—” But Cal can’t finish his sentence. He sits down on a couch partially covered in a sheet and puts his head in his hands.
I go over and sit a few inches away.
“It never gets better,” Cal mumbles. “It gets easier to deal with, but it never gets better.”
“I’m sorry.” I’m unsure if my words help. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a family member.
“I’m not the same person without Sophia. I’m different. I’m diminished,” Cal whispers.
I nod like I understand what Cal means, though I don’t.
Cal lifts his head. “Part of my life is going on fine, like nothing ever happened. And that makes me feel horrible! But the other parts of my life are total chaos. Like with Seth. And I haven’t known what to do. I haven’t known how to fix things.”
“You’re not alone anymore,” I say. “You’ve got me. I’m on your side.”
“Nobody’s been on my side for so long. To hear you say that means everything.” Cal takes out his handkerchief and blows his nose. “See that box up there in the corner?” He points to something gray and flashing up high. “That was one of the first power boxes McNeal Solar ever manufactured for home use. It’s what launched our brand. Sometimes I come up here to see it working perfectly after all these years. It’s the only thing I have left that’s perfect.”
The technology is suspicious, but I pretend to be impressed. “It’s like a trophy almost. A reminder of success.”
“Precisely. One little box powering a whole mansion. One powerful idea taking me from college graduate to self-made man.” Sadness falls across Cal’s face like a shadow. “But I got it wrong for so long. That box didn’t make me important. It was the people in my life that mattered. Only I didn’t see it until it was too late.”
“Sophia and Seth,” I offer.
“Yes, and I was a horrible father.”
“What do you mean? This is a beautiful house. You gave them a wonderful life.”
Cal shakes his head. “I was hardly ever there. I missed out on everything.”
“You must have been there, Cal. At least some of the time.”
“Some of the time, yes. But I was always in a rush. I never stopped to recognize that everything I wanted was right in front of me. My family.”
When he says that last part, it hurts me for some reason. I’ve never had a family, and I never will. And I have to be okay with that.
“What happens after I get Seth back for you?” I ask. “What then?”
“What do you mean?”
I say it bravely. A statement of fact. “I know you don’t want to adopt a daughter.”
Cal’s mouth opens but then closes again, like he’s struggling to find the words. “No, I don’t. Sophia always wanted a daughter, but I never thought about it.”
That’s what I suspected. The hurt continues.
“The irony!” Cal laughs. “Sophia always wanted a daughter, and now here you are, five years too late.”
Cal thinks it’s funny, so I fake chuckle with him.
But deep down and hidden, I ache. I’ve always wanted a mother. I bet Sophia would have been a good one.
Chapter Six
The flowers come the next day, a big bouquet of white roses. They’re soft and yielding, like the inside of my elbow, the small of my back, and my creamy white skin that could have sold soap. If I had been normal.
“It appears you’ve got him,” Cal says to me after breakfast, when he comes up to my cloister to survey the blooms.
“Yes.” I crack the window because the fragrance is overpowering. “How much time do I have?”
“Seth just passed the front gate.” Cal leans down to smell a rose. “Beautiful. I can’t believe this is working.”
“You can’t?” I furrow my eyebrows. “But I told you I’d make him come back.”
“I know. It’s not that I don’t have faith in you. But I’ve waited so long to see him … I’d almost given up hope. I’ll explain to Seth tonight. Okay?”
I nod.
“Whatever it takes, Blanca. Only please, get Seth to show up for dinner.”
“Yes, Cal. Of course.”
“Good.”
Cal’s gone by the time Seth knocks on my door. I don’t open it on purpose.