G'Day to Die: A Passport to Peril Mystery - By Maddy Hunter Page 0,56

above the clinking, slurping, and spitting, “you’ll note it has a stunning nose with a palate of ripe, tropical fruit, coconut, milon, and spicy oak. Does anyone ilse want a sample?”

“That’s my cue,” said Duncan. “Samples all around?”

“Not for me.” Henry held up his hand. “The company frowns on their drivers gitting hammered, especially whin they’re on the job.”

Which reminded me in a roundabout sort of way—“Are either of you familiar with global positioning systems?”

“Those new personal units are pretty expinsive,” said Henry, “but they make great toys for the hard-to-buy-for bloke. I have one on my Amazon wish list.”

“My department was in the process of installing them in our police cars when I left,” said Etienne.

“If I had latitude and longitude for an unknown location, but didn’t have a GPS unit, do you know where I could look that would tell me where the location was?”

“A gazetteer,” said Henry. “It would at least git you in the right ballpark.”

“Google Earth,” said Etienne. “Type in your coordinates, and you can zoom in on a dime you dropped in your driveway.” He narrowed his blue eyes at me. “Why is it that you always put the fear of God in me when you ask questions like that, bella?”

“Ask and you shall receive,” said Duncan, handing Etienne and me glasses half-filled with straw-colored wine. “I’d like to offer a toast.” He raised his glass.

“Enjoy,” said Henry as he left us.

Duncan clinked his glass against ours and gave Etienne a meaningful look. “What do you say, Miceli? May the best man win?”

“Farabutto,” spat Etienne.

“Imbroglione,” hissed Duncan.

I rolled my eyes. Not again. I knocked back my chardonnay and toasted them with my empty glass. “You two keep up the friendly dialogue. I’m going back for a refill.”

I skirted the perimeter until I found a path through the crowd, then inched my way toward the counter, where our hostess was brandishing a new bottle in the air. “This is our nineteen-ninety-siven Riesling with a lovely nose of limes, marmalade, and apricots.”

I spied Heath and Nora at the far end of the counter, wineglasses extended for a hit of the Riesling, while Roger and Diana brandished their stemware erratically and yapped at them like schnauzers. Huh, that was odd. What was Roger doing waving a glass around? Had he decided to drink the wine despite all the toxins he’d been fussing about? Jake lurked beside the group, looking ridiculously sinister as he cradled his wineglass against his chest. His proximity to Heath boded trouble, so I was glad Henry was close by so he could break up—

“CAN YOU BREATHE, DICK?” Helen Teig thumped her husband between his shoulder blades.

“Is he okay?” I asked anxiously.

“Yeah, he accidentally combined ‘swish’ and ‘swallow’ and got ‘choke.’”

“The savory palate of the Riesling is a blend of spice and honey,” our hostess informed us as she filled empty glasses.

“The lady said to swirl the wine, Dick,” Grace Stolee scolded. “Swirl, not slosh. The idea is to release the aroma—not run through a spin cycle! You’ll never get that stain out.”

I heard a sound like a toy motorboat and glanced across my shoulder to find Osmond Chelsvig with his head thrown back, acting as if he had a mouth full of Listerine. I made a slight detour toward him.

“Osmond?”

He gulped down what was in his mouth and smiled at me. “This tastes much better than my regular mouthwash.”

“Why are you gargling?”

“That’s what the lady said to do. Gargle before swallowing.”

I shook my head. “Watch my lips. Gurrrgle. Gurgle before swallowing.” I tapped my earlobe. “Check your batteries, okay?”

I placed my glass on the counter and tried to avoid getting crushed as I waited for it to be filled.

“Emily, dear! Yoo-hoo!” Nana plowed through the crowd with Tilly, Margi, and Bernice in tow. “Wasn’t that chardonnay somethin’? I couldn’t taste no coconut, though.”

“That’s because you have to sip before you spit,” Bernice said dully.

Nana shrugged impishly. “I got my steps outta order.”

“Bernice should talk,” Margi balked. “She went directly from see to swallow. I don’t know what happened to swirl, sniff, sip, and swish.”

I cuddled up to Nana and gave her a hug. “Did no one bother to tell you that your hairpins came loose? Henry asked why you’re wearing a condom in your ear.”

“No kiddin’? What size?”

I pinned the remnants of the glove back under her hair while the other ladies placed their glasses on the counter.

“Have any of you seen Connie?” Ellie asked, looking like a lost soul as she bumped