Garden of Stones - By Sophie Littlefield Page 0,104

I had nightmares, I—I had a sort of breakdown. One day I bought that gun, but even then I wasn’t really serious. I mean, I bought it in a feed store, for Christ’s sake, it’s made for stunning livestock. You don’t need any ID. Hell, a kid could buy one. I didn’t even know if it would work.”

“When you called me that morning, you said you were just going over there to talk to him.”

“I know. I’ve thought about that a hundred times. I mean, calling you... Maybe I still hadn’t decided, I don’t know. But once I got there, once I saw him sitting there, working at his job like he was anyone, like he hadn’t done all those...things...well, right then I knew I was going to do it all along.”

“Jessie. You know you have to be careful now. If they have your gun, they have your prints. Just because they closed the case—”

“I know.” Jessie shrugged, and in the gesture Lucy saw the boy he’d once been, and a thousand memories tumbled through her mind. The way he’d walk with his bat bag slung over his shoulder, like he couldn’t wait to get on the field. The way he held her hand as they roamed the streets of Manzanar. “I know. But I’m not afraid of what happens anymore. He’s gone. That’s what matters.”

He moved toward her and put his arms around her. For a moment Lucy stiffened, and then she relaxed. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, and let him hold her.

When at last she drew away, there were tears in his eyes. “You look beautiful today, Lucy,” he said gruffly. “Please give your daughter my congratulations.”

Lucy watched him from her window, her fingertips resting lightly on the glass. He didn’t look back as he crossed the street and got into a tidy sedan and drove away.

All these things from the past coming to a close. All these loose ends finally being tied up.

Lucy’s back had been aching for hours. Too much standing in those ridiculous, shiny shoes. She stepped out of them right there at the window and left them on the carpet, and then she tugged off the panty hose too, and let them fall on top of the shoes. She could not recall another time that she had walked through her house barefoot.

In her bedroom, Lucy unpinned her corsage and set it on the dresser. She hung her dress and put on her nightgown and went back through the house, turning off lights. Jessie’s visit had stirred up a confusing blend of emotions, on top of her exhaustion from the wedding.

It had been a long time since she’d made so much polite conversation. Jay’s mother never let anyone get a word in edgewise. The men from his office seemed skittish around her, but their wives made an effort. Lucy appreciated that. She wanted her daughter to be in good hands. Patty wasn’t as wary as she ought to be.

Lucy got into her narrow bed and turned off the lamp. She pulled the covers up to her chin and stared at the bars of street light that came through the blinds and striped the ceiling. The crack was getting worse—each year it seemed to travel a few more inches. Nothing that some plaster and paint wouldn’t fix.

Lucy let her eyes drift closed, and the image that came to her mind was from that long-ago moment in San Francisco when Mary had left for the train station and Lucy and Patty were alone in the tiny room she’d rented. She lifted a corner of the Woolworth’s blanket and peeked at her baby. Patty was plain, even at a few days old. Her mouth was slack, her forehead broad, her cheeks ruddy and damp with sweat. Her tiny hands grasped at nothing. She would never know the thrill of turning heads when she walked through a crowd. She’d never move a boy to recklessness or a girl to bitter jealousy. She’d work for her rewards and suffer ordinary disappointments and, quite possibly, she’d always feel as though she was missing something she couldn’t quite define.

One of the final wedding details to be worked out was Patty’s walk down the aisle, since she had no father, no uncles, no older brother, no friend of the family to give her away. When Jay took the two of them to dinner one night a couple of weeks ago, Patty had said that she would just