we find a priest to seal your vows? Where would you get the dowry to be admitted as a nun? If you couldn't be admitted to holy orders, you'd be nothing more than a lay servant and the nunnery would not be able to protect you. They'd have to hand you over to Osborn.'
Only when he saw her trembling did he realize how terrified she was.
He took a deep breath and tried to speak more softly. 'You must remain here for a year and a day; if you can do that undiscovered, you can be declared a free woman instead of a villein and . . .' He paused awkwardly.
What could he tell her? Should he tell her the truth, that being declared a free woman would by itself solve little? Unless she could also prove her innocence she might never be able to leave. He crossed over to her and stood looking down at her. He gently caressed her cheek with his thumb as a father might soothe his little daughter.
'You must accept that you must stay here for a year at least. But much may change in a year; who knows, this cunning woman of yours might turn up again with the child. But,' he added firmly, 'you will have to work for your keep.'
'I do work,' she told him. 'I clean and tidy and do all that is asked.'
Raffe sat down in the chair opposite her again, fixing her with a grim expression. 'That is not what Ma means by work. It merely pays for the food you eat, not for the risks she is running in keeping you here. She needs you to start earning money.'
He stared down at his hands, unwilling to look into her wide blue eyes. Once, in the Holy Land, he had witnessed the Saracens tie a man by his arms and legs to four rearing Arab stallions. The stallions, simultaneously struck by their riders, had galloped off in opposite directions, ripping the shrieking victim to pieces between them. He felt as if the same was happening to his own being. Part of him wanted to make her suffer for betraying him with Athan; for refusing to trust him; for that look of revulsion he could see in her eyes whenever she looked at him. He wanted to make her the whore she was, dirty, humiliated, to have men look at her and despise her, as she looked at him.
Yet the thought of another man pawing her, laying his sweaty body against that smooth flesh, was more than he could bear. Even now he wanted more than anything to protect her, to have her come running to him for love and comfort. He wanted to keep her pure and untouched, as he could pretend to himself she was, now that Athan was dead. He and Elena were bound together by bonds stronger than any wedding vow — why couldn't she feel that?
He swallowed and tried to keep his voice level and businesslike. You will not be expected to serve the ordinary customers, that much I have made plain to Ma Margot. But when she gets a special customer from time to time, you will attend to him.'
'Attend to? What. . . does that mean? What will I have to do?' Her voice trembled.
'Ma Margot and the gentleman himself no doubt will tell you what is required each time. All men are different in their appetites.'
'Appetites,' she repeated dully.
Was she deliberately trying to be stupid? Did he have to spell it out for her?
'Don't play the innocent with me, girl,' Raffe snapped. You've borne a child, so you can't pretend that you don't know what goes on between a man and a woman. Or are you now claiming it was a virgin birth and then your bastard miraculously ascended into heaven? Is that why we can't find him?'
Before Raffe had time to realize what she intended, Elena slapped him hard across his face, her cheeks blazing scarlet in fury. Raffe gaped at her, stunned. It was the second time that afternoon he had allowed a woman to take him unawares and assault him. Had he lost all his soldier's instincts? Ma Margot he knew of old and should have expected her to defend herself, but no villein had ever dared to strike him before, especially not a woman.
It took him a moment or two to realize Elena was shouting at him, her eyes flashing and her fists clenched in fury. 'I may not