Elena wanted to believe him, but Athan was a hopeless liar. It was one of the many things she loved about him.
Outside in the yard there was a crash and clattering followed by a stream of oaths. One of the scullions had likely dropped one of the great platters down the stone steps. She hoped for the sake of his skin it was empty. But it reminded Elena they didn't have much rime.
She snuggled closer into Athan's chest, revelling in the earthy tang of his skin. If she could get back up to the chamber straight away after they'd made love, she could feed the mandrake there. In many ways that might turn out better than if she succeeded in bringing it to the barn. Athan might have seen the bundle and become curious. She didn't want to tell him about the dream, not yet, not until she knew what it meant.
Athan held her face and kissed her tenderly again for such a long time it seemed as if his lips refused to be parted from hers, but his hands did not slide down to her buttocks to pull her closer, nor did he try to stroke her breasts as he had done when they were first stepping out together. It was as if he was suddenly afraid to touch her body.
Elena faltered. This wasn't going at all as she had planned. She'd thought this would be easy. When they were courting, she was the one who'd pushed him away when his hands wandered too freely. And even when they finally made love, she had only to respond to his caresses. She'd never had to arouse him before and she realized she had little idea how go about it. Athan had been her first and her only lover.
She pressed her body tighter against him, conscious of the swelling bump of her belly pushing between them. As if he felt it too, he drew away from her. A shiver of doubt made her tremble.
'What's wrong, Athan? I thought you'd be pleased to be alone with me. It's been so long since we got the chance.'
'I've been trying to see you, you know I have.'
'Then why won't you hold me like you used to?'
He looked down at her stomach, pressing his fingers to her belly reverently like a pilgrim touching a precious reliquary. 'Mam warned me not to go messing with you while you're in this condition. She says if a woman's blood gets hot it can addle the bairn inside her.'
'That's nonsense,' Elena said. 'If that were true there'd not be a babe born alive in this land. You think all the other men do without for nine months? Course they don't, and it doesn't do their bairns any harm.'
'Mam's only trying to do what's best,' Athan protested. 'It's her grandson after all and she'd be heartbroken if he should come to harm.'
'Your mam's only told you that to keep you away from me,' Elena snapped. 'Everyone in Gastmere knows she hated your father. I bet she told him sleeping with a pregnant woman would harm the baby just to make him take his hands off her.'
Athan shuffled uncomfortably. There was no denying that although his mother raged at him, at the neighbours and at any passing stranger that her husband was a 'whoring, feckless son of a strumpet', she could barely conceal her relief when he did stay out all night instead of lurching drunkenly home to her door.
Elena was shaking, but she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. They mustn't quarrel. She mustn't drive him away. She wanted Athan desperately, wanted to feel his arms holding her, and his hot, bare flesh against her own. She hadn't realized how much she needed the physical intimacy of his body until he had kissed her.
But being kissed wasn't enough. If Athan didn't make love to her, where was she to get the white seed? Gytha had said I he mandrake must be fed before it would speak — her blood and a man's white milk - or it wouldn't reveal anything. Tears of frustration began pricking her eyes, which only increased her misery.
Athan looked panic-struck, as young men do when faced with a weeping woman. He grabbed Elena's shoulders and held them tightly at arm's length as if he feared she was going to hurt herself or him.
'Please don't cry, Elena. I can't bear to see you miserable.