TYME2WASTE I told Mom, no, the reason I hate Colorado is ’cause I’m stuck with her and it’s all waaaaay too real.
11:09 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE And she said that was progress and got this smug bitch look on her face and then Dad threw down his book & left the room.
11:11 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I feel worst for him. A few more months and I’m gone forever, but he’s stuck with her for life and all her anger and the rest of it.
11:13 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I’m sure he wishes he just got us plane tickets now. Suddenly our van is looking like the setting for a cage-match duel to the death.
11:15 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE All of us jammed in together for 3 days. Who will emerge alive? Place your bets, ladies and germs. Personally I predict no survivors.
11:19 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Arrr. Fuck. Shit. It was dark when I went to bed and it is dark now and Dad says it’s time to leave. This is so terribly wrong.
6:21 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE We’re going. Mom gave the condo a careful search to make sure nothing got left behind, which is how she found me.
7:01 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Damn, knew I needed a better hiding place.
7:02 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Dad just said the whole trip ought to take between 35 and 40 hours. I offer this as conclusive proof there is no God.
7:11 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Tweeting just to piss Mom off. She knows if I’m typing something on my phone, I’m obviously engaged in sin.
7:23 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I’m expressing myself and staying in touch with my friends, and she hates it. Whereas if I was knitting and unpopular . . .
7:25 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE . . . then I’d be just like her when she was 17. And I’d also marry the first guy who came along and get knocked up by 19.
7:25 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Coming down the mountain in the snow. Coming down the mountain in the snow. 1 more hairpin turn and my stomach’s gonna blow . . .
7:30 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE My contribution to this glorious family moment is going to come when I barf on my little brother’s head.
7:49 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE If we wind up in a snowbank and have a Donner Party, I know whose ass they’ll be chewing on first. Mine.
7:52 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Of course my survival skillz would amount to Twittering madly for someone to rescue us.
7:54 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Mom would make a slingshot out of rubber from the tires, kill squirrels with it, make a fur bikini out of ’em, and be sad when we were rescued.
7:56 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Dad would go out of his mind because we’d have to burn his books to stay warm.
8:00 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Eric would put on a pair of my pantyhose. Not to stay warm. Just ’cause my little brother wants to wear my pantyhose.
8:00 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I wrote that last bit ’cause Eric was looking over my shoulder.
8:02 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But the sick bastard said wearing my pantyhose is the closest he’ll probably come to getting laid in high school.
8:06 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE He’s completely gross but I love him.
8:06 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Mom taught him to knit while we were snowed in here in happy CO and he knitted himself a cocksock, and then she was sorry.
8:11 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I miss my blog, which she had no right to make me take down.
8:13 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But Twittering is better than blogging because my blog always made me feel like I should have interesting ideas to blog about.
8:14 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But on Twitter every post can only be 140 letters long. Which is enough room to cover every interesting thing to ever happen to me.
8:15 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE True. Check it out.
8:15 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Born. School. Mall. Cell phone. Driver’s permit. Broke my nose playing trapeze at 8–there goes the modeling career. Need to