Full Rigged (Lost Creek Rodeo #4) - Rebecca Connolly Page 0,46

him smaller and put him in this tiny box. Make him insignificant. It never occurred to me that changing his name would actually give him significance instead.”

“Isn’t that amazing?” Kellie rubbed Brynn’s hand, pride and warmth radiating from her. “Our instinct to wipe them from our lives just makes them a stain. Thinking of them just like we would think of anyone else is the best way to make them smaller. To make them less of a trigger.”

“Anything that reminds me of him is bound to set me off,” Brynn admitted as she drew her knees closer to her chest. “How do I stop that? I don’t want to always think of my life now as post-him. I just want it to be my life.”

Kellie released her hand and turned on the porch to lean against the railing post. “There’s no one way to do it. You just have to decide that you aren’t living your life in a post-him era. You are living. You need to find fulfilling things to fill your day, things to look forward to, ideas to ground you. And you need to be gentle with yourself, and patient with yourself. What you have endured is hard. It challenges every single person who experiences it. There is no immediate recovery. It is a day-to-day process. But you have the power to decide the tone of each day, and which era you want to live it in. You are not a victim.”

Brynn nodded, the tightness in her chest loosening at the reminder. She smiled almost ruefully at her therapist and friend. “You’re really good at this, you know.”

That made Kellie laugh and smile herself. “Hey, thanks!” She looked out at the lands of the ranch again. “I don’t pretend to have all of the answers, Brynn. Not even close. I’m still healing myself in a lot of ways. I still live day to day. All I’m trying to do here is give people some tools and direction to help themselves start to live whatever the new version of their life happens to be.”

“It’s fantastic,” Brynn said without hesitation. “We’re all trying to heal, and we’re similar in some ways, but so different, too. But we all need to heal, and that’s our unifying trait. We’re all broken. You’re also creating a new empathy within us for all of the other broken people we’re going to meet in our lives.”

Kellie glanced back at her, smiling softly. “You’re going to make me cry.”

“Crying’s fine, remember?” Brynn grinned with surprising ease, given her recent emotional cacophony. “You deserve some validation for what you’re doing here, and all the effort you’re putting in. All the good you’re making possible. Look at Josie. She couldn’t even look at a man when she got here, and now she’s feeding horses with Ryan and who knows who else.”

“Josie’s come a long way on her own,” Kellie said at once. “She’s an eager student, but she’s also got a tough road ahead. I’m just helping her find what works for her.”

Brynn gave the woman an exasperated look. “Stop deflecting my validation.”

Kellie laughed again. “Where’d you pick up so much passion for validation?”

The question made her pause, but then she managed to smile without blushing. “Ford.”

Her friend’s eyes widened. “Ford?” She leaned her head back against the post, seeming torn between a smile and a frown. “Ford’s a great guy. You’re not going to find anybody as low-key yet loyal.” Her focus intensified on Brynn. “Do you like him?”

Brynn coughed at the directness, her face flaming now. “I barely know him . . . He was very sweet in that surge I had last night, and he’s a breath of fresh air after Minimus, but he . . . I . . .” She squeezed her eyes shut and fought down the rising panic. “He’s a really good-looking guy who makes me feel less broken. I don’t know what that means, but that’s all I can safely admit.”

Kellie was silent for a moment, which was convenient, as waves of crashing sounds filled Brynn’s ears as the war within her waged.

Don’t fight your emotions. Acknowledge them. Don’t resist. Accept.

A gasp escaped Brynn, and as she let go of her hastily placed barriers, she found the tide of emotions less turbulent than she’d expected.

When she was finally free of all the internal noise, Brynn exhaled slowly, shakily, and looked at Kellie in elated victory. “I did it.”

“Yes, you did,” Kellie agreed, looking as pleased as though she had