Friends with Benefits - Nicole Blanchard Page 0,35

stuff. “This should be everything they need. I’ll text you a list of emergency contacts, my boss, the station, and all that. If you can’t reach me, Tripp should know where I am, but I’ll have my cell on me at all times.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll call you around 7:30 tonight for them to say good night.”

“Right. Yeah, that’ll be great.” I checked the time and added, “I’d better get going. Thank you again!”

It was easier leaving them than I thought it would be. Janet couldn’t be farther from my mother, and I knew that while the twins were with them, they’d be perfectly safe. Not all parents were neglectful and malicious.

Hours later, I finally had time to settle, and time to think, between a couple of calls. My assigned chores had all been completed, and the other team of EMTs and paramedics were up for the next call.

I secluded myself in the bunkroom where we normally napped and plugged my ears with headphones so I wasn’t disturbed. Selecting a podcast at random, I closed my eyes and threw an arm over them for good measure. The low, measured voices from the podcast filled my ears, but I couldn’t hear them. All I could hear was the memory of Tripp’s voice.

What had I done?

My cheeks burned, though there was no one to see my embarrassment. I pressed the backs of the fingers from my free hand to them. Never in my life had I ever slept around for the fun of it. My mom used to do that during the times she and my father were separated, and I had made it a point once I did have sex to only do it with people I truly cared about.

That included Tripp, didn’t it? I cared about him. Aside from Charlie and Layla, he was one of my closest friends.

The truth was, I didn’t have any answers. I liked to think I made mature decisions when it came to my life, the kids, and my job, but I didn’t know what the hell I was doing half the time. Clearly. The only thing I did a really good job at was pretending.

Pretending to have it all together.

Pretending not to care that my mother abandoned us.

Pretending I didn’t like Tripp as more than a friend.

The smart thing to do would be to tell Tripp we couldn’t do it again, but, oh, God, how I wanted to. I don’t think anyone had ever made me feel so good, which, for some reason, made me feel guilty because not being with Chris was still so new. New, but it already felt like it had been a long time.

In fact, my sisters aside, I was considerably less stressed without him in my life. I didn’t worry about how he’d react to me having even less time to be with him or his judgments about my mother leaving. Now that I was thinking about it, he never would have been as understanding as Tripp had been. Judgmental was the word I’d use to describe him. Aloof.

Maybe that’s why I’d been drawn to Chris in the first place, back when Tripp had been so overtly interested in being more than friends. Maybe a part of me had known, even then, that we weren’t going to work out. Chris was safe because I knew it would never lead anywhere. That didn’t mean I didn’t care about him. Of course I did, and maybe it made me a little heartless for moving on so quickly. But we were never going to make it. Maybe it hurt so much in the beginning because he was my comfort zone. As long as I was with him, I knew what to expect. I could control the outcome.

Controlling the outcome with Tripp…was impossible.

I fell asleep pondering my next move and listening to the podcast. When I woke up as the tones dropped, I came to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn’t fight it. Maybe the best thing to do with Tripp…was to enjoy it.

As I got ready, my phone beeped with a text message.

JANET: We’ll be in town this morning. I’ll drop the girls off at your apartment, if that’s okay.

I texted her that it would be wonderful before I headed out with my partner on the call.

When I got home a couple of hours later, Tripp was already there, fixing our leaky sink. I paused in the doorway to watch him, admiring the sliver of his abdomen bared by his shirt. The muscles