Friends and Strangers - J. Courtney Sullivan Page 0,107
of my friends have the life experience to understand. I was up all night. I’m so upset. At dinner last night, Clive asked if I wanted to start thinking about where in the city we should live next fall. I sort of clammed up, and then I felt bad. I felt all this pressure barreling down on me, even though this IS what I want. Then, later, I got an email from school letting me know that I’m being considered for Phi Beta Kappa, but in order to be eligible, I need to take a classical language class. Latin or ancient Greek! I thought I’d met all my requirements already. So I was stressing out, because language classes at the college meet EVERY DAY. Which would mean there’d be no way I could visit Clive for a long weekend next semester. (Don’t worry, it wouldn’t affect my work schedule—language classes meet early in the morning!) That started a fight between Clive and me. He said I’m achievement obsessed, that it’s very American of me, and kind of silly, to want this title. He told me not to be so swotty, whatever that means. He’s probably right. I don’t even know why I want it.
How did you know Andrew was the one? That you were ready to cut off all other possibilities in order to pursue that relationship fully? Feel free to ignore me if this is too personal a question, or if you’re too busy. Thanks for any words of wisdom. Sam
P.S. Give Gil a kiss for me. I can’t believe he’s crawling!
January 12
1:19 AM
Dear Sam,
Good thing I’m an insomniac and can thus reply instantaneously. I’ve had so many nights like the one you’ve just been through. Wish I could give you a hug. We are both the sort of people, I think, who always want to do the right thing. But in matters of the heart, it’s not always clear what the right thing is. How did I know A was the one? I’m not totally sure I did, but I was at that point in my life when I was ready to make the leap. So much of this stuff is about timing, which sounds dreadfully practical, but it’s true. Has to be the right guy AND the right time. Does that make sense? I know how painful these things can be, but you have so much ahead of you, truly. I’m here if you want to talk, anytime. xx E
P.S. PBK is a huge deal. I’m proud of you. You’re so close.
January 16
10:08 AM
Dear Elisabeth,
Sorry I took a few days to respond. Our Internet here went out, so I had to wait until I could sneak off to the library. Things are better. Clive and I had a big talk. He totally gets it. I feel ready to make the leap, as you said. I guess no one can ever feel 100% sure, can they? I promised Clive that I will move back to London for good as soon as I have my diploma. We can work out the details then. We picked out dish towels for our future place today at this cool shop called Kitschen Sink. (I’m excited about dish towels! Could I be a bigger nerd?)
I told my adviser that I’m not going to take the extra language class. I don’t care that much about Phi Beta Kappa. There wouldn’t be any guarantee that I’d get it, even if I did take the class. I feel a huge sense of relief now that that’s settled.
Please give my love to Andrew and to George, and especially to Gil. I miss him! I hope he remembers me when I get back. Can’t wait to see you all.
Love, Sam
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Sam
THE ARRIVAL OF A PACKAGE in the campus mail was signified by a bright green slip of paper in your mailbox. To claim it, you had to wait in line at the window and present the green slip to the student working on the other side. Despite all knowledge to the contrary, whenever Sam twisted her mailbox key and opened the door to find such a notice, she imagined the package would be something incredible, life altering. Before meeting Clive, she dreamed of flowers from her ex-boyfriend, and a card begging her to take him back. Now she pictured Clive surprising her with an extravagant gift he could never afford—a designer dress; a first-class ticket on a flight to Morocco, leaving that afternoon.