a cramp-induced trip to the ER, and that was more from pain and frustration than despondency. This was a violent shift in our dynamic, the moment when Dad breaks down and wide-eyed Mom has to comfort him. Sloan’s maternal instincts kicked into crisis mode, and she clutched me to her, shushing me and whispering in my ear, the way my own mom would never do.
I’d borne the decision for this hysterectomy with stoic practicality. But I couldn’t do that with Josh. I just couldn’t. There was absolutely nothing practical about the way that man made me feel. I let myself just fucking cry. And it made me feel out of control and hopeless.
Someone knocked on the wall. We turned to the sound to see Brandon poking his head around the door into the hallway.
“Oh. Uh, sorry to interrupt. Josh is here. Is it cool if he stays for dinner?”
Josh came up behind Brandon, holding Stuntman. My dog was licking his cheek. “Hey, Sloan. Kristen.” His smile fell the second he saw my face.
I swiped at my tears, fled to the bathroom, and closed the door.
SEVENTEEN
Josh
The crying caught me by surprise. It never occurred to me she might be that upset about breaking up with Tyler. I just thought—
Stupid.
Of course she was upset. I don’t even know why I’d been confused about this. She’d dated him for two fucking years. He was supposed to move in with her, for God’s sake, and he’d reenlisted without talking to her and broke up with her in a damn voicemail.
Shit, no wonder she didn’t want anything serious with me. She was probably so messed up over Tyler she couldn’t even think straight. I was probably just some rebound thing for her.
Shawn was right. I was a dick in a jar.
I felt like an asshole, asking her to be exclusive. I’d thought we’d had something, for a moment. That maybe she was into me too. But now I felt like I’d imagined the whole thing. Misinterpreted every signal. I should have listened to what she was saying instead of trying to grasp at things that didn’t exist. She told me before any of this happened that I needed to be able to handle a sex-only situation, and this was clearly why.
And then I showed up here, the day after Tyler was supposed to come home, when it was probably really starting to hit her and she was trying to cry about it to her best friend.
I should just give her space. I should leave.
“I’m gonna go,” I said to Brandon, putting down Stuntman Mike.
I didn’t intend to intrude on her night. I didn’t know she was at Brandon’s until I pulled up and saw her car in the driveway. And if I was being honest, after seeing her with makeup on and her hair done when I’d gone to her house, I was relieved to know that her plans had been with Sloan and not some other guy. Especially after everything Shawn said.
But that wasn’t the only reason I was happy to see she was here—I was just happy to fucking see her.
I’d thought about her the whole time I was at work, and then when I finally came back over, it was such a disappointment.
Before, I could sit with her on the couch and bullshit with her. And now, I guess I needed a reason just to hang out with her in the living room. Now we had rules and everything felt stiff.
For a brief moment I wished we’d never hooked up. That we’d stayed friends until she was over this joker, and then maybe I would’ve had a shot with her, free and clear. Because right now I felt like I’d lost that thing between us, that easy friendship that was there before we crossed that line. Sure, I’d gotten sex out of it, but I wasn’t sure it was worth the trade-off. Not like this.
Sloan came around the corner into the living room. She looked weary. “Babe, the handle to the toilet broke off.” She put a metal piece in Brandon’s hand.
“I’ll fix it as soon as Kristen comes out,” he said.
Sloan looked over at me as I pulled my keys from my pocket. “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, I’m just gonna head out.”
She glanced back at the bathroom and then looked at me full on. “Josh, stay.” She spoke low. “Stay for dinner.”
Something in her eyes implored me. I looked back and forth between her and Brandon. He had no fucking idea what