If I’m not honest with him, I will lose him. I need to trust him. He’s not going to betray me. There’s no way.
It’s settled.
When he wakes up, I’m going to tell him everything about me and my family.
I’m going to give him the power to destroy me.
I guess that’s what love is. That’s how it always seems in movies. If it’s not world-shattering, something is wrong.
He shifts. I think he might be awake, just dozing. I need to tell him. I need to do it right now, before I chicken out.
But then I bail.
What if I’m making a huge mistake?
He opens his eyes. He truly is so handsome. He grabs my arm, and pulls me across, so I’m spooning him.
Oh.
This is nice.
Maybe I don’t need to do anything so drastic just yet. I close my eyes, and let myself relax.
By the time I wake up, the sun is out, and Jason is no longer beside me. I sit up. He’s brushing his teeth. He’s gotten dressed, in a gray T-shirt and swimming trunks. His hair’s already perfectly done.
“Morning,” he says.
“Hey.”
He spits. “Sleep well?”
I stretch. “So well. You?”
“Same. Best in ages.”
I get that. Even though I know telling Jason about my family is a big decision, I am feeling very relaxed right now. More relaxed than I have in recent memory, actually. I think it might have something to do with finally getting out of the city.
“So,” I say. “What did you want to do today?”
“I was thinking we could go to the beach? As long as we get to the airport by five, we’ll be fine.”
“Cool.”
That’s where I’ll do it.
The beach.
He walks over to me and falls down onto the bed. He kisses me. He tastes like toothpaste.
I pull back.
“What?” he asks.
“I think I’ve decided.”
He props himself up. “Decided what?”
“I think I want to tell you about my family. You’re right, this will never be real until I tell you everything.”
“You sure? You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”
“I’m sure.”
His smile is dazzling. “Cool.”
“Don’t think you’re getting off the hook, though. You’ll have to tell me stuff, too.”
“Of course.”
“So should I just, like, tell you now?”
He chews his lip. “Why don’t you wait awhile? This is clearly a big deal for you, and the last thing I want is for you to regret it. So why don’t you think about it for a few hours, and then, if you’re still sure, you can tell me.”
“Okay,” I say. “Sounds like a plan.”
* * *
I’m sure.
I totally respect that Jason wants to give me some time, to be completely and utterly sure about this.
I don’t need it, though.
I’m sure.
I’m going to tell him about my family. I’ve been thinking about it the whole journey to the beach, and even though I’ve analyzed the crap out of it, I’m still totally confident this is the right move. Telling him everything there is to know about me will make this even better than it already is.
He asked me to really think this through, so I’m going to. I’m going to try to have a good time and not obsess over it. But I think this is one of those things I won’t be able to stop thinking about until I’ve gotten it off my chest.
We both step out of the Uber.
The beach stretches out in front of us. It’s crowded. Up ahead, there’s a pink ice cream truck by a path to the beach. It looks a little hipster-y.
“Want one?” he asks.
“Yeah, for sure. Do you?”
He nods, so we join the line.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good.
We reach the front of the line.
“Can I get a sundae, and then whatever this one wants?” He puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Can I get a choc-dipped cone?”
“You sure can,” says the server. She’s dressed in a pink-and-white-striped shirt. “You two are the cutest, by the way.”
“Thanks.”
“He’s the cute one,” says Jason.
I blush.
She hands us our ice creams, and Jason pays.
Then we start walking toward the beach. We both take off our flip-flops and walk. The sand is so warm. A pair of girls in bikini tops and denim shorts totally check Jason out as they pass us. One even lowers her sunglasses to ogle. It’s right out of a CW show.
He stomps onward, oblivious.
He glances my way.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.
“Just that the beach looks really nice today.”
He tousles my hair with his free hand.
I smile.
We find an empty spot, and he tosses his towel down hard onto