said bitterly before sighing and biting her bottom lip. Fern realised she was struggling to find her next words. ‘The fact that he is dying is another “something” that has added to my angst.’ She was silent for a few seconds. ‘Do I go and see him or not?’ Belinda turned to Fern. ‘Alain has offered to take me but…’ She wiped tears off her cheeks. ‘What do you think?’
‘Will you regret it if you don’t go and see him?’ Fern asked.
‘There’s already a long list of regrets in my head concerning him. Adding one more to the pile won’t make a difference.’
‘Possibly not, but the fact that this particular chance will never be there again once he’s dead is inescapable,’ Fern said.
‘But I can’t even be sure that he’ll want to see me,’ Belinda muttered.
They walked along in silence for a few moments until they reached the gate in the hedge. Belinda pushed it open and they went through and stood on the river path for a minute until they both turned and sat on the nearby wooden bench.
Fern glanced at the paper bag in Belinda’s hand. ‘Might be a good idea if we ate those almond slices before you mangle them completely.’
Belinda glanced down at the bag. ‘I’m not very hungry,’ she said, holding the bag out to Fern.
‘You need to keep your sugar levels up, especially as you didn’t eat breakfast according to Alain,’ Fern insisted, opening the bag and waiting until Belinda had given in and scooped out a few pieces of broken cake.
‘The thing is, I’m so angry with him for not being honest with Mum and me that I’m scared I’ll lose it when I see him. The other things is, I’m not sure I’m brave enough to go the cottage when “she” is there – the last person on this earth that I want to meet.’
‘I can understand that might be difficult.’ Fern nodded thoughtfully. ‘Oh, Belinda, I honestly don’t know what to suggest as it’s a decision you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life and it’s one only you can make.’
‘It’s so hard to know what to do for the best.’ Belinda sighed. ‘And Chloe is coming for a visit soon. I have to tell her about her unknown grandfather.’
‘Why don’t you give yourself a twenty-four hour respite before you decide how to handle things?’ Fern said. ‘I know you won’t be able to stop thinking about it totally and it will still be churning away in your subconscious.’ She hesitated. ‘But, you never know, the decision may simply make itself apparent. I know I’ve agonised over problems in the past, but the moment I stopped giving them my full attention, consigned them to my subconscious, the solution came to me. I’m sorry if that sounds all a bit airy-fairy, but sometimes it can happen like that.’
‘It does a bit,’ Belinda said, giving her a watery smile. ‘Certainly worth a try though.’
‘Just remember, whatever you decide has to be the right decision for you. Nobody else. I’m always ready to listen, but I can’t make the decision, okay?’
Belinda nodded. ‘Thanks.’
‘Now, in an effort to take your mind off things for five minutes, do you want to tell me more about the kind of cakes and food you’re thinking of for the café?’
Belinda turned to Fern delighted. ‘You’re going to do it? Brilliant news.’
‘Hang on. I haven’t agreed yet, despite Anouk telling me I need to do it.’ Fern smiled.
‘Come on. I’ve got the keys to the café in my pocket. I’ll show you round. You won’t need to cook up here because your kitchen in the auberge is fully up to standard, but I want to tell you about the kind of set-up we hope to create.’
Belinda glanced at her friend. ‘And I’m hoping too that you’ll do more than provide some of the food.’
Fern looked at her, eyebrows raised.
‘I’ll explain more in a moment,’ Belinda said.
36
After Fern had left to walk back to the auberge, Belinda returned to the office.
‘Good you’re back,’ Alain said, pushing some papers into a briefcase that Belinda had never seen him use before. ‘I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go out for an urgent meeting. Will you be all right for a couple of hours?’
‘Yes.’
‘Nigel phoned. Said he’s going to call you after lunch.’
Puzzled, Belinda looked at him. ‘I had my phone with me. Why didn’t he phone me? I’d better call him back.’