I swallow my nerves. "You said.” I clear my throat. "You said I was all you wanted. You said you cared. Is that true?"
He scoffs, shaking his head, and relaxing his shoulders, but then a look of anger crosses over his features. As he glares at me, I feel myself shrink in his gaze. It's not the Ellis attention I want. And as he steps toward me, I know whatever he's about to say I'm not going to like.
"No."
It's such a simple response I'm not sure I understand, furrowing my brow at him. But I wait for him to continue.
"As far as you're concerned, Nash, I didn't mean a fucking word of it. I'm not going back again, not with you." He steps toe to toe with me, pushing me back as a show of dominance, and I stumble back because I don't have it in me to fight with him anymore. "You will never understand what it's like for anyone to love you, Nash. How perfect you fill this space," he says pointing to his chest. "You are this untamable animal except you fuck with hearts and heads, and I fell for it once, Nash Wilde. I won't fall for it again, so no, I didn't mean shit I said out there. And if you choose to pursue Hanna, I beg you to do her right. If you fill that space in her heart, don't run from it. Don't leave her like you left me."
With that, he spins away, leaving me with my confusion. "So, what if I told you I don't want you touching her again? Would you listen to me?"
"If I thought that's what you really wanted, I would."
I'm about to shout that it is what I really want, but I’m too busy running his words through my head, replaying every single one of them. Walking to my room, I drop my towel on the tile floor as I lean against the cool countertop, my mind spinning with his words.
That first night three years ago replays in my mind again and again. Asking myself if it was a mistake. Doing what we did. It didn’t feel like a mistake at the time, but damn, I was so deep into his mind fuck I wasn’t thinking clearly.
But it was just fun…until it was more than fun. At least for me. He never felt anything for me like I felt for him. This is Ellis fucking Prior. He could have literally anyone, so why the fuck would he want me? Why is he acting like I broke his heart or some shit? I mean, yeah I get I was a dickhead that night, and sure what I did was fucked up, but he can’t still be stuck on me like that.
I’m moving on with Hanna. Everything with her will be so much easier, and I will be happy. I can watch my temper, be better for her. He’ll step back and when he leaves here at the end of the month I’ll finally be at peace, knowing I mended our friendship. I made things right. Buried the hatchet. Said my piece. And he’s fine.
But fuck…he said love. The motherfucker said love. How I don’t know what it’s like for anyone to love me. I don’t make it that fucking hard. He didn’t love me. He’s trying to get in my head again, and I have to ignore it. Keep my eyes forward, be better for Hanna.
No, fuck this.
Shoving away from the counter, not even caring that I’m stark-ass-naked, I march out of my room, down the hall and across the house toward Ellis’s wing, once my dad’s. The shower is running, and I don’t give a fuck as I burst into the bathroom.
The sight of him, standing under the dual shower heads, clouded in steam, his golden tan skin and dark chest hair through the hazy shower glass making me pause. Why does he still have such an effect on me? He’s not in my head anymore. I’m not the same guy I was in Amsterdam.
I stand there silent and stupid for a moment before the shower door opens slowly and he lifts his chin at me. It’s a dare, and not an inviting one. Every tiny feature on his face is telling me not to fuck with him, but I don’t understand how he is still fucking with me so much. Why do I want to climb into the shower, rub