full well neither Ellis nor I would let her go one second without everything she needed. But we tried not to help too much. He had to stop me from anonymously dropping two-thousand dollar tips on her checks or paying her rent for the year.
“She needs this,” he told me. And I understood. Like me needing to be whipped within an inch of my life sometimes, submitting everything to him because it’s what I needed to let go.
Those first few months in the apartment were my favorite. She furnished it with her savings, and we ate dinners Ellis would cook at a tiny secondhand table in the kitchen, and every single moment was perfect. Those days were the real start to our life, humble and beautiful in its imperfection.
Letting people know about our relationship wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. The people who mattered the most, like Dad and Zara, didn’t even act surprised when we told them. Like everything else, they knew long before we ever made it official, and aside from Zara threatening my life if I didn’t treat Hanna like the goddess she is, I think it went over pretty well. It was important to all of us that everyone understood this wasn’t a fling or a kinky arrangement. These two people are my forever—all or none. One-hundred percent.
And it wasn’t until we decided to let go of Del Rey a couple of months ago they finally understood. We bought a big house on the mainland, something that fit all three of us. Something closer so Hanna could keep working and Ellis could get his space when he needed it.
It was hard at first. Letting go of that house, the memories there, but I don’t belong on an island anymore. I am not an island. I am grounded, setting down roots and happy for the first time in my life.
But now I wake up each morning between the two of them, and I don’t know where we’ll go from here.
“You need to get out of bed, Nash Wilde,” Hanna scolds me as she walks out wrapped in a towel. Her hair is piled up on her head in a messy bun, and when she pulls out the clip, it cascades down her back, and I want to touch it, bury my face in it and breathe her in.
“We should get married,” I blurt out, a smile still stretched across my face. They both freeze in response, glaring first at each other before looking at me.
“I’m not talking about a wedding or anything. Fuck we don’t even need the certificate, I just want you to take my name.”
“Me?” Hanna says, touching her chest.
“Both of you.”
Ellis smirks. “And what makes you think we would take your name?”
“Because everyone wants to be a Wilde,” I answer with a laugh.
“I will,” Hanna says with confidence. “I don’t want my name anymore anyway.” Her smile falters for a second, and I know bringing up her mother is still a sore subject. After moving on with her life last year, her mother hasn’t reached out even once, even after Hanna tried to contact her. I know she’s hurt by their distance, but it only makes me want to smother her with love even more. We are a family now, so she doesn’t need her. She has us.
“We could hyphenate,” she says, pulling on her bra.
Ellis and I both scowl at the same time.
“No, let’s take Wilde. I’ll change my name.”
For a moment, I don’t move, letting his words sink in. I won’t say I was joking, but I’ll admit it was hopeful banter. There’s nothing I want more than to make this thing between us concrete. It’s already real, unshakable and forever, but to have it on paper, knowing he is mine and hers and we are each other’s without shame… I almost can’t believe it.
“You mean that?” I ask.
Just as he finishes dressing, he sits on the bed next to me. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
The reasons running through my mind are weak compared to the look he’s giving me now. Because I’ve broken his heart twice. Because it’s unconventional, taboo, wrong. Because I’m not good enough for you. But those are the voices in my head, and his voice is louder.
“Let’s do it. As soon as we get home.” Leaning down, he plants a kiss on my lips like this is casual conversation, like getting a dog or buying a car.