forward, but I know my son better than he thinks I do, and I saw the way he looked at you.”
My mouth goes dry, and I maintain my composure, trying to act natural.
“He always looked up to you, maybe more than he looked up to me. And during this acquisition, I noticed the way he gravitated toward you, always looking for your approval, your…praise.”
Forcing myself to swallow, I keep my face blank, and my eyes trained on him.
“I didn’t know if you were aware of Nash’s feelings toward you or if that was something you reciprocated, and I know he must have made your life hell this summer. Maybe…maybe longer.”
I clear my throat, leaning forward just to shift out of the statue-like position I was sitting in. “Alistair, it’s not my business to tell you anything about Nash that he’s not ready for you to know.”
“I’m not asking about him. I’m asking about you.”
“Are you asking if I have…feelings for your son?”
“Yes.”
I take three long breaths before I nod. “Yes, I do.”
He rubs his face, letting out a heavy sigh before biting his bottom lip tightly. “Zara picked up on it before me. I think it was at lunch that day on the island. I was so blind, so focused on work and trying to find ways to cure him of his constant anger, but she noticed you. And it was the day of the acquisition that finally confirmed it for me.”
I’m still frozen in place, like facing down a wild animal I don’t want to scare. Alistair could be ready to break, yell and scream at me, maybe even hit me. It’s his son, someone I knew as a child, and I’ve just admitted to romantic feelings for him. He doesn’t know the half of it, but I’m guessing he can figure out the rest.
“I can assure you Nash and I…” I stumble on my words, finding them hard to get out. “We have nothing between us. I’m not going back to Del Rey.”
“Can I ask why it didn’t work out?”
Three more long breaths I use to steady myself. “I don’t think your son wants to be happy, Alistair. I don’t know if he knows how.”
“Do you blame me for what happened?” he asks and I know he’s referring to his relationship with Zara.
“It’s none of my business.”
“Yes, it is. You were with him shortly after, weren’t you? In Amsterdam? See, I told you I know more than he thinks I do. Of course, I thought it was just friendship.”
Shifting in my chair, I reply, “Yes, I was. And no, I don’t blame you.”
“Zara says he still blames himself for what happened to Preston. Maybe that’s why he won’t let himself be happy. But I know my son, and I know if he has no anger to shield himself with, then he has nothing. He will choose misery and loneliness over vulnerability every day.”
“I know he does,” I say shaking my head and clenching my leg between my fingers.
“He really did give you hell, didn’t he?”
I don’t answer. Because what I want to say is Nash didn’t give me hell. What he gave me was the complete opposite. He gave me a new perspective, something to fight for, a chance for something real, a hard-won love that didn’t come easy but was worth every second.
Instead, I nod my head and try to keep my expression casual.
“Well, I’m sorry. I wish I knew how to help him, but he’s twenty-eight years old. And I really hoped if Zara couldn’t, you could.”
I feel the blood drain from my face. “Is that…” I stand up, unable to stay sitting as this suddenly registers. “Is that why you called? That’s why you hired me?”
Now it’s my turn to want to punch him. A white heat courses through my veins. The pain I’m feeling right now, this re-opened wound, is because Alistair wanted to throw someone else into the fire for his son?
He stands up, too calm for my level of anger. “Before you get upset, I called you because I remembered you were the only man my son looked up to more than me. I also knew he had a lot of anger and feelings he had still to let go of, and I knew you were the right person to help him. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but you have to understand he’s my son, the only one I have left. I just don’t want to see him hurting anymore.”