“Cool, listen, Mol made her decision and . . . no bridesmaids. She doesn’t want anyone on the hook for a dress.”
That was Molly.
She wouldn’t put anyone on the hook for anything.
“If she wants attendants, it’d be my honor and I don’t mind buying a dress,” I told him.
I did, but my brother didn’t need to know that.
And I only did because money was running low.
The good money that was.
The porn money was not.
But I wasn’t buying a dress to stand up with my soon-to-be sister-in-law at her commitment ceremony in a dress bought with porn money.
If Molly changed her mind, maybe I could sell plasma.
“Rebel, baby doll, I think she just wants something simple,” D told me.
“I dig it, D. Whatever Molly wants.”
“Yeah,” he murmured, happiness in his tone.
He’d kill and die to give Molly what she wanted.
I closed my eyes.
I liked that.
I liked that he was looking forward to this. Free. Nothing holding him down.
Just love and joy and a good time to be had by all as we celebrated all the beauty they’d found.
Finally.
“So what’s goin’ down with you?”
I opened my eyes at Diesel’s question.
And thought again about Rush Allen.
Women were dying.
And I couldn’t bring Diane back.
Hank was now pissed (or more pissed).
And I’d met a guy I was attracted to, who I couldn’t go for because I was undercover and because he was very against me being undercover.
Not to mention, during our interview, he had not asked me out.
Bluh.
Oh!
And my brother had no idea this was all happening, and the longer it lasted, the more it felt like a lie, and not just me keeping something from him that would worry him.
“Not much,” I answered.
Yup.
A lie.
“Work good?”
“I’m keeping busy.”
“You should be in LA, not Denver.”
“Kevin Smith filmed Clerks in New Jersey.”
“Please do not aspire to Clerks,” he begged.
I grinned. “It’s funny.”
“Please do not aspire to Clerks,” my brother repeated.
“Okay, Blood Simple was filmed with cobbled-together funding in Austin and Hutto, Texas. Have you ever heard of Hutto, Texas?”
“Better,” Diesel grunted.
I kept grinning.
“You good?” he asked.
I felt my brows knit.
I wasn’t sure, but I thought I’d already answered that.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“You good, Rebel?” he asked.
Oh shit.
“Yeah, D,” I again answered.
He fell silent.
Okay, okay, okay.
My big brother was reading the sitch all the way from another state.
He put it out there.
Or part of it.
“Mom and Dad and Gunner leaving you alone?”
“Yeah, D,” I repeated, this time softly, but did not share this was because I’d blocked them.
And deleted all their email, unread.
And blocked that.
Oh . . .
And threw away the letter Mom sent, unopened.
“You do not have to take their shit for me.”
“I’m not,” I assured.
At least that wasn’t a lie.
Not really.
“You should come down,” he said.
I should.
And stay.
Far, far away from all this insanity.
But then who would give treats to Essence’s cats?
And how would I possibly run into Rush Allen again in Phoenix?
Right.
Reminder.
Not thinking about Rush Allen.
“I am. For the ceremony,” I reminded my brother.
“Earlier.”
“I got work.”
“Yeah?”
Ugh.
“Yeah.”
“You got a guy?”
He sounded like that hurt to say.
“Dude, I heard Maddox going at you and Molly. Do not sound like you’re about to hurl at the thought your sister might be getting some.”
“Okay, forget I brought it up.”
Another grin then I gave him a quiet, “I’m fine, Diesel.”
“Molly worries.”
Bullshit.
I was sure she did.
But that was also him.
“I’m good,” I promised (lie). “Essence is crazy. And crazy lovable. I got work that’s interesting. The cats are all getting fat and they have her wonderland of a house and garden to hang in, but they all want to be here, so I got company most of the time, even if it’s feline. But cats kick ass. So I’m happy.”
Except for Essence and her cats, that was all a lie.
I was going to hell.
“All right,” he gave in.
“And tell Molly no worries about the bridesmaid gig. I’d rather not stand in front of a yard full of people and bawl with happiness. I can do that sitting next to Erin.”
“I’ll tell her.”
“And give her a hug from me. Maddox too.”
“I’ll hug Molly. But I don’t hug Mad. I fuck him.”
I could hear that big brother tease.
I also had never got that openness from Diesel, until recently. The love he had for Maddox (and all the rest) had always been shrouded in Dude.