Four Letter Word (Love Logic #2) - K.M. Neuhold Page 0,46
like if he stares at me long enough, he might be able to read my mind.
“I don’t really know how to explain it,” I answer. Or maybe it’s more that I’m not ready to have this conversation with him about how I really feel.
“Is Riot your boyfriend now?” he presses.
“We haven’t talked about labels, but we are seeing each other,” I explain, and Hudson’s shoulders deflate even more. Even if I’m not ready to profess my love to him, I can at least give him honesty about this. “But I’m polyamorous, we both are, so it’s not exclusive.”
His eyebrows shoot up and understanding dawns in his eyes, a slow smile spreads over his lips. “I miss you, Bish. I fucking miss the hell out of you.”
My heart squeezes, and I reach for my best friend, grabbing his hand to feel a connection. He tightens his grip, swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“I want to have a better conversation with you, somewhere other than the hallway, maybe I can stop by your place sometime this week?” I don’t have the first clue how this is going to work with Leo and Hudson still hating each other, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now I want to focus on the warm happiness spreading through my chest at the idea of having everything I never thought I could have.
“I’d like that,” he agrees, using our joined hands to pull me closer until our bodies are flush against each other, his half-hard bulge pressing against mine. “I’ll be honest, Bish, I’ve always thought of you as mine, so I’m not sure how I like the idea of sharing. But, if it’s between that and not having you at all, I’m sure we can work it out.”
“It’s not about sharing, Huds. I’m not a possession,” I correct gently.
In the blink of an eye, his lips are on mine, rough and demanding as they always are. He kisses the way he seems to live his life, taking what he wants without apology. He thrusts his tongue into my mouth, and I kiss him back with everything I have. The way he kisses, the way he tastes, the way it feels as he backs me against the door and grinds his hardening cock against mine, it’s all almost too good to be true. There’s no way he wants me the way I want him, the way I need him, but maybe if Riot can fall in love with me, it won’t hurt so much to know that Hudson never will.
He breaks the kiss and pulls away, and I grab the front of his shirt reflexively, my chest heaving with panting breaths. I want to drag him close again and kiss him until we both forget anything else exists in the world.
“I’d better get going, but stop by any time, and we can have that talk.”
“I will,” I agree, forcing myself to release my grip on his shirt and feeling slightly guilty when I notice I’ve wrinkled it.
He glances down, rebuttoning the few buttons that came loose when I grabbed him and then giving me that confident smirk that fits his face so much better than the insecurity he showed up with.
Hudson
I can’t help but feel a little smug at the sight of Bishop’s pink cheeks, his lips damp and puffy from the kiss, a dazed look in his eyes. He still wants to talk; he’s still holding something back, but this feels like a step toward getting back to where we were.
“I’ll see you later, Bish,”
He stumbles into his apartment with a parting smile over his shoulder. I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart and raging erection, running my hands through my hair, and turn to leave.
I’ve never chosen anything in my life except for Bishop. I’ve never bothered to want anything, because I always knew I’d have to follow the path my dad put me on anyway. But, fuck, I want Bishop; I have since we were eighteen. I can still remember the exact moment I realized I wanted him as more than a friend.
Leo wasn’t talking to me anymore, and senior year was more than half over. I was spending a Friday night alone in my room, secretly delving into my sci-fi stash, when I heard a tapping on my window. I shoved my book under my bed and went to see what was causing the sound, and I found Bishop there.