for so long. His business, his family and friends, they were the only things on his horizon; meeting their demands was his way of life.
“You left here to try out a new life,” he said, rising onto his side. “It’s still new to you, life away from here. We can go back to it, but we don’t have to rush into anything. I told you that you’d have the life you want, doesn’t mean you have to make every decision in a hurry. I love you. I want to be a part of your life. I didn’t mean for you to feel pressured.”
Giving him the latitude to make decisions about their future didn’t mean Poppy was washing her hands of the responsibility. But she’d been the one to say they should get rid of Holden and go back to their life the way it had been. Ideas of marriage and babies had preoccupied her. Turner had the right idea. Rather than thinking about the future in grand, large terms, she had to look at what was in front of them. Right in front of them.
Turner wasn’t in a hurry to get to any finish line, he wanted to enjoy the view as they went along. Still, when Poppy thought about returning to the Venture, it wasn’t going back to her apartment and sleeping alone that featured in the picture.
“There is one thing,” she said, brushing the back of her fingers across his chest. “But it’s complicated.”
“Lay it on me,” he said. “We’ll uncomplicate it.”
“Charley’s only just sort of giving me the chance to be her friend again, I don’t want to abandon her in the apartment to live alone.”
“So don’t. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be in the building, and we don’t have to sneak around anymore.”
“You don’t want to live with me?”
He licked his lips like he was trying to hide a smile, but she noticed it anyway. “Are you thinking about getting your job back?”
“I don’t know. I want to earn. I want to contribute,” she said, moving onto her side so they faced each other. “It would be easier, financially, if we only had one residence to sustain.”
He tucked her hair away from her eyes. “That’s not a reason to live together.”
“So you don’t want to live with me?” she asked, wishing he’d meet her eye, though he seemed more interested in what his fingers were doing in her hair. “If you don’t want to live with me, you have to say it out loud otherwise I’ll make assumptions.”
“What kind of assumptions? That I’ve pictured you in my bed more times than I can count, your things in my closet, this body in my shower every day…” His palm glided from her hair, all the way down her figure to her hip. “Don’t take my lack of answers as indifference, I’m keeping myself in check over here.”
“I don’t want you to keep yourself in check, I want to know what you want.”
His attention finally landed on hers. “Then I want to get married. I don’t want you in one place and me in another, I want us somewhere, anywhere, together.” He paused. “But life doesn’t have to be lived in fast forward. As long as we get to those places eventually, I don’t mind if we take our time. Like I said, you’re still figuring this kind of life out. I’ve been doing it a long time.”
“I told you outside your mom’s house that I wanted to progress, that I want my life to be different.”
“Living away from here is different,” he said. “Navigating this isn’t easy, babe. If I put my foot down and start to make demands, I’ll freak you out and you’ll run away… again.”
That word was like a knife in the ribs. “Hey, I didn’t run away from the Venture or you because I wanted to. I left because I thought it would save you from the circus.” Turner sealed his lips, but she could feel his urge to speak. “Say it. Whatever you’re holding back, say it.”
“Even if Abernathy gets the message and backs off after this meet thing… The circus won’t go away overnight.”
“No,” she said. “You’re probably right.”
“It’s something we’ll have to deal with or be ready for any time… What if the next guy Violet wants to marry is some Hollywood superstar or Primrose hooks up with a rock star… There’s always a chance that your connection to your family will make you interesting for the media.”