Shea tipped his head back and laughed, and Jake wanted to throw himself into his arms. If Craig thought Shea was a goner for him and Stacey, Jake was so lost in Shea, he didn’t ever want to be found.
God, he’d fallen in love. Crazy, wildly, hopelessly in love. But was it too soon? Too fast? Would it hurt Stacey’s recovery? Worries danced in his head even as his heart pounded.
“She was perfect. We had the best time, but Lordy, I’m beat.”
Still holding Stacey, Jake took Shea’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “How about we sit and have a cold drink, and you can tell me everything you guys did?”
Shea gazed at their entwined fingers, and a smile crept over his face. “Yeah. C’mon.”
Stacey wiggled out from his arms and ran ahead with the dog at her heels. She meandered over to a patch of wildflowers and began to pick some, looking like a little wood nymph. He and Shea sat on the blanket, and he took the bottle of water Shea handed him.
“Got your phone all sorted out?”
Jake stared at his hands. “My phone, my office…maybe my life.” A laugh escaped him. “Not totally, but being here has given me a different perspective on what’s important to me.”
“I already know—we all do. That little girl. She’s number one.”
“For so many years, I put what I wanted on the back burner, shoved my needs aside, settling for whatever I was given because I insisted on an illusion.”
“Illusion?” Shea’s fingers brushed his, each touch like a kiss to his bare skin.
“I thought if I was compliant and gave in to what Brian wanted, our lives would be perfect. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. So instead of a house with a backyard, we’re living in an apartment in SoHo. I’m sending her to a private school instead of public. Things like that.”
“It can’t be good never havin’ your needs taken care of. You must’ve resented it.”
It was a conversation he should’ve had with Brian before they married, but he’d put it off for another time. Only that time had never come. He’d let it sit and fester, and now he could see he’d also contributed to the downfall of his marriage by not being completely honest. Because he’d been afraid.
“I grew up with little money or family. I watched my mother kill herself to raise me alone, and I vowed, in her memory, to do better. Make something of myself so she didn’t die in vain. All I ever wanted was to be safe and have a place to come home to. So even though it wasn’t my dream, I didn’t want to fight and end up divorced. And ultimately it didn’t matter, because he cheated and left anyway. I tried everything I knew to make him happy. Maybe I don’t know what that really means.”
He craned his neck, observing Stacey and Kiss playing in the flowers. The dog had found a stick, and Stacey was attempting to throw it. Golden sunlight played off her hair.
“Do you really believe that?”
He couldn’t meet Shea’s eyes. “I don’t know what to believe. I never minded taking her to the park and the playground or the zoo on the weekends. I loved it. When we’d come home, Brian would put on a movie for her.”
“So he rarely played with her?”
In the past he would’ve defended Brian, but now… “I have no way of knowing. I mean Terry was with her, and then she went to pre-K. But now I wonder what he really did with Stacey when they were together. Maybe he’d been cheating from the beginning.” Pain seared through him, not from the loss of his marriage, but of a lifelong dream he now saw was a farce.
“Maybe so. But you’re better off now, knowin’ what you do, than wastin’ your whole life on someone who don’t deserve you.”
“And yet I’m exactly where I was growing up. Alone. And like my mother, raising a child by myself.”
Shea covered his hand. “You don’t have to be alone. Not if you don’t want to be.”
Stacey’s laughter rose in the distance, and he heard the dog barking. The birds sang a noisy chorus from the trees, the ducks splashed in the lake…all the minute sounds making up the essence of this place that had woven its way into his heart and his blood, rendering it impossible to sever the connection. It had given him back his daughter and, in a way,