doctor feels it could be a severe reaction to some kind of trauma, but we wracked our brains trying to figure out what it could be and came up empty. She also became clingy and anxious, so of course the doctors wanted to put her on antianxiety meds.”
“A little thing like that? Medication? Hell, no.”
Relieved Shea understood, Jake nodded vigorously. “Exactly my response, but Brian disagreed. He hated that Stacey went from being the ‘perfect’ little girl—whatever that may be—to a child who required him to do more than buying ice cream and reading her bedtime stories. I told him parenthood meant taking the good with the bad. He stuck it out a month or two after, then walked out.”
“Motherfucker,” Shea swore viciously.
“So you understand where I’m coming from? Everything I do, I have to take Stacey into account. You—you’re the first man I’ve been with since Brian left. The first man I’ve wanted to be with. And yet even now I feel guilty enjoying myself.”
“I’m assumin’ you have her in some kinda therapy?”
“Yes, with a wonderful child psychologist. She’s the one who encouraged us to get the dog and has been trying to get me to ease Stacey back into regular activities.”
“Has she said anythin’ about the reason Stacey stopped talkin’? I never heard nothin’ about this kinda stuff, but it sounds to me like there had to be some trigger.”
“It’s what you said. A trigger. And when we were together, Brian and I combed through every day to see what might’ve happened. He was home with her most, but he insisted nothing was out of the ordinary. She had music classes, and a playgroup three times a week she loved going to. Some days he’d give Terry the afternoon off, and he’d take her to the park.” Jake finished his wine. “I failed her, and I don’t know how.”
Shea called over the waitress and asked for the check before Jake could stop him.
“Don’t be makin’ a face at me. I’m on a business trip. It’s deductible.” He filled out the receipt, and Jake studied his deft, sure movements. It was what had first attracted him to Shea—his decisiveness and strength. “And I disagree. You haven’t failed her at all. I’m sure she knows how much you love her.”
“I hope so.” The sting of Brian’s email hadn’t yet faded. Jake wasn’t about to get into the fact that along with watching Stacey, Brian had also been cheating on him. “I just don’t understand how you can leave someone, knowing how much they need you.”
Shea’s face shuttered. “How long were you two together?”
The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his ex, but since Shea asked… “On and off, about seven years total. He wasn’t sure he wanted to get married, and I always knew I wanted a family, so it was a sticking point for a while.” He shrugged. “Guess I should’ve listened to my instincts.”
“Well, we don’t always do what’s best for us. And you loved him.”
“I hate him,” Jake said with more venom than he ever thought possible. “I hate how he walked out and left her. I don’t care what he did to me, but to his child? I can never forgive that.”
Shea pocketed his credit card, and they walked out of the restaurant and onto Spring Street. Jake had picked Lombardi’s because it wasn’t far from Shea’s hotel, and he thought Shea would like to see SoHo and maybe walk to the Village. But now, talking about Brian had drained him of his earlier joy, and all he wanted to do was go home.
Shea cupped his elbow, and they stopped alongside a storefront. “Do you still love him?”
Astonished, Jake laughed. “Did you listen to what I said inside? I hate the man.”
“Hate’s a pretty strong emotion. You don’t gotta hate someone you don’t care about. You just forget them and move on.”
This night was ending on a sour note, and Jake struggled to reclaim the earlier good vibes. “Hey. Let’s not talk about this anymore. He’s out of my life for good, and I’m never going to see him again. I’m here with you.” He touched Shea’s face, tracing the lines around his mouth. “And I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
He kissed Shea, loving the contrast between the hard muscles of his chest and the softness of the man’s lips. Oblivious to the people walking by them, they continued kissing, with Jake clinging to Shea, knowing their time was drawing to