Football and Ballet - Jason Collins Page 0,71
the story, not missing a beat or a chance to shine.
And as I watched Keaton from my seat, a few rows away from the main stage, the rest of the team warming up for their own respective numbers, I suddenly came to a startling realization.
I like my seat here.
I liked being in the audience, watching the company put their best members forward, watching everyone giving their all as they left it all on the stage, as they blended their bodies with the music.
And as my knee began to ache yet again, I realized something else in that same moment.
That I was no longer meant to be the star of this dance company. That my time underneath the spotlight had come to an end, and that there was no shame in being honest with myself about it. It wasn’t like I hadn’t given the stage my all, but I couldn’t keep pretending like my body was still built for this much pressure, for this much demand every single night.
And as Keaton’s rehearsal came to an end, when I knew that it was my time to take the stage next and work on my portion of the show, I silently slipped out of my seat, and began to walk toward the nearest exit, not stopping until I was on the other side of the door.
And by the time my feet hit the pavement, I knew that I’d made the right decision. There was a lightness that seemed to come with every step, the further away I got from the theater, the further away I got from brutal rehearsals and workouts that always pushed me right to the brink.
“Patrick!” Isaac called for me, his footsteps soon catching up with my own. “Patrick, where the hell are you going?”
“I’m just going home,” I said, keeping my voice calm.
“What do you mean you’re going home?” Isaac’s tone was frantic. “What about your role in Giselle? Are you really just going to walk away from it?”
“I have an understudy,” I reminded him. “And I’ve seen what Tom can do on that stage. I think he’s going to be amazing.”
“But Tom isn’t you—”
“That’s just because he hasn’t been given the chance to be,” I interrupted. “But I think with enough time, he can be just as good as me or even better. Besides, it’s time for me to step aside, Isaac, make room for the next generation of dancers. They all seem like really good kids.”
“Patrick…” Isaac stopped, pausing beside me. “You’ve been with us for so long. What are we supposed to do without you?”
“Whatever you were doing before you met me.” I smiled before I let out a heavy sigh. “I think this is goodbye, Isaac.”
“I think so, too.” Isaac held out his hand for me to shake.
But I shook my head, pulling him into my arms instead. I then patted him on the back before I gently pushed him away from my chest.
“I just quit my job,” I mumbled as I laid on the floor of Hunter’s home dance studio. “I just impulsively quit my job without a backup plan. What the hell was I thinking?”
“You were thinking that you weren’t happy,” Hunter suggested, his arm resting around my waist. “And you were thinking that it was time for bigger and better things.”
“Bigger and better things than dancing with one of the best ballet companies in North America?” I grimaced. “Fuck. I really fucked up, didn’t I? I’m going to have to go back there, on my hands and knees, and beg for my job back—”
“No. No going back,” Hunter instructed. “You quit your job for a reason, Patrick, even if you haven’t figured out the rest yet.” Hunter sat up on his elbows before he said, “Isn’t there anything else you’ve always wanted to do? Something you’ve thought about getting into but you just never had the time for?”
“I was thinking about opening up my own dance studio?” I floated the idea, without a trace of confidence in my voice. “I… never got much further than thinking though. I was so busy with the ballet company, that I never had time to work on a business plan or anything.”
“Your own dance studio?” Hunter smiled. “That sounds promising.”
“You’re just saying that because you want to be supportive.” I groaned. “If I had said I wanted to open up my own taco stand, you probably would’ve called that idea promising, too.”
“You’re right. I would’ve.” Hunter chuckled. “But that’s just because I believe in you, Patrick,