Football and Ballet - Jason Collins Page 0,53

worry, Elana. I’d never betray you like that.”

“I didn’t say you’d be betraying me—”

“Right, you’re just saying that if I were gay, it’d be like throwing away my entire career.” Hunter let out an annoyed sigh. “Even though I’d have no control over something like that.”

“Don’t get so mad over a hypothetical,” Elana went on. “And yes, what I’m saying might seem harsh, but we both know it’s true. Coming out would be the end of you.”

“And you,” Hunter murmured. “You can’t exactly be a PR star without a star as your client.”

“Do you think that’s really all I care about?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Hunter…” Elana lowered her voice. “Are you actually… I mean if you are that’s fine—”

“I’m not gay, Elana,” Hunter insisted. “I’m just not interested in Dakota.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah. I promise,” Hunter replied, his voice as calm as ever. “I’m not gay. I was just messing with you, all right? That was it.”

And with that, something snapped inside me, breaking me right down the middle. I was drowning, all over again, the same waves that’d crashed against my lungs when I was on stage at the theater suddenly lapping at my clothes.

I forced down a few ragged breaths as I slid away from the door, putting even more distance between my frame and the rest of their shared conversation.

And then, I grabbed the rest of my dance gear and disappeared out the back of the building.

15

Hunter

I couldn’t find Patrick anywhere.

I just wanted to apologize. I wanted to forgive and forget and move on from that awful moment in his home gym, the one where I’d told him that he was trying to fight the inevitable, the one where I’d told him that he couldn’t dance the lead role forever.

I’d been such a huge asshole, and after talking it over with Coach Lou, I knew that I needed to let Patrick know just how sorry I really was for ever saying what I’d said to him. But as I continued to look through the youth center, checking each room I came across for any signs of Patrick, it slowly dawned on me that Patrick might’ve been at home.

It would’ve been strange, sure, especially since I’d seen him teaching his class when I’d first arrived. Although, Patrick going home so he wouldn’t have to go through with our one-on-one- lesson, which just so happened to be scheduled right after his class with the kids, would’ve been reasonable.

Because why would he have wanted to teach me anything? Especially after all that shit that I’d said to him?

When I decided to go with my working theory about Patrick’s whereabouts, I headed straight over to his apartment, not stopping until my fist was knocking on his front door.

And when Patrick finally pulled it open, I couldn’t help but offer him a huge grin.

“Hey,” I started before I nodded over at him. “Can I come in?”

“No.”

“Right. Because you’re still mad at me.” I nodded again, this time in understanding. “Patrick, look, I’m sorry about everything I said to you the last time we saw each other. You were right. I shouldn’t be so controlling when it comes to your career. Of course, you can dance the lead for as long as you want to, and it was fucked up for me to try and discourage you from—”

“I fell at my audition.”

“What?”

“I fell on stage and blew any chance I had at being the lead in Giselle,” he explained. “So, you don’t have to apologize, because it turns out you were right. I can’t dance the lead role forever. And especially not for this upcoming ballet season.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that, Patrick,” I replied. “But maybe you’ll get the lead next year—”

“I don’t know if there’s going to be a next year.”

“Patrick, don’t talk like that—”

“I’m just being honest.” He shrugged, his expression devoid of any signs of life. “It’s only getting harder for me to make those turns and hit those spots. And it’s not like I know how to play second-fiddle to anyone at that company. I’m not saying I always need to be the star but…” Patrick paused for a moment before he spoke again. “I guess I’m just worried that if the spotlight isn’t on me, then I’ll just fade into the back.”

“You could never fade into the back, Patrick,” I insisted. “You’re way too talented for that. You’re always going to stand out, no matter what.”

“Right,” Patrick said, his voice flat. “Anyway, is that all you wanted? You wanted to apologize?”

“Do