Football and Ballet - Jason Collins Page 0,30
the impossible.
And that was why I needed to get over my crush on Hunter Perry, once and for all, before I ended up on the bad side of a broken heart.
“You’re quiet.”
“And you’re about three steps behind the music.”
“What’s going on with you?”
“The same thing that’s going on with your feet. Have you been doing the barre work like I asked you to do? I knew I shouldn’t have left the room that day for that phone call—”
“Patrick, I’m serious,” Hunter said as he stopped moving across the dance floor, his body coming to a complete halt. “What’s going on? You’ve been treating me like a total stranger, ever since this Dakota thing—”
“Do we really need to bring that up again?” It’d been three dance lesson since Hunter and I had talked about Dakota, since I’d come to my senses and realized I needed to let him go before things went too far.
And honestly, I’d never felt better. Pretending like Hunter was just another student seemed like it was working well for me, and it seemed like he didn’t mind going along with it, either, coming in for his lessons and leaving as soon as it was time to go.
Although, there were times, mostly in the middle of the night, where I caught myself turning toward the spot where Hunter had slept in my bed, wondering if he was sleeping in someone else’s bed that night or sleeping on top of his own, wondering if he’d already replaced me with another guy.
But I was always able to quiet that nervous, little voice in my head with a stern reminder that if I let Hunter in any further than he’d already been, all he was going to do was hurt me.
“Why are you being so weird about this? I told you it was just a PR move,” Hunter replied. “How long are you going to be mad about me doing something that’s helping my career?”
“Right, because everyone thinking you’re straight helps your career.”
“Yeah, it kind of does,” Hunter suggested. “And you can’t be mad at me about that. It’s not my fault that there are so many homophobes out there—”
“I don’t care about that, Hunter. Seriously. I don’t.” I held up my hands, defending my position. “I understand that you need to do what you need to do.”
“So, why are you pushing me away again?”
“Because I don’t want to get hurt,” I admitted, looking over at him. “Because you’re nothing good for me, Hunter Perry.”
“What makes you think I’m going to hurt you?”
“Aren’t you?” I shrugged. “This is what you do, isn’t it? You get close to random guys, make them break down their walls for you, and then, you leave. Maybe not because you want to leave, but you still leave. Because you can’t stay.”
“You want me to stay?”
“No. I don’t care if you go. I just don’t want to be completely blind-sided,” I explained. “I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and find out you’re getting married to Dakota Webster because it helps your career.”
“I wouldn’t do something like that to you, Patrick—”
“Is that what you said to the last guy you were hooking up with, too?”
“You don’t get it.” Hunter’s voice was low. “Yeah, I’ve hooked up with guys before, but I didn’t leave because I couldn’t stay. I left because they weren’t like you. They weren’t as interesting or funny or beautiful. And it’s incredibly easy to move on from someone when you weren’t super interested in them to begin with.” Hunter then turned the question back around on me. “I mean, isn’t that how it was for you, too? When you were hooking up with guys while on tour? You could’ve stayed with them, too, right?”
“Sure.”
“Then, why didn’t you?”
“Because I didn’t want to.”
“Right. Because you didn’t want to.” Hunter smiled. “And that’s all it comes down to, Patrick. I think as long as we’re both honest about what we’re doing with each other—and when we’re done with each other—everything’s going to be fine.”
“Yeah, but you’ll be done with me first.”
“What makes you so certain of that?”
“Because you’re going to get bored of me.” I returned his smile, even though I felt the sadness creeping behind my eyes. “Because my ego’s too big and I’m way too mean to hang around for more than a few weeks.”
“I think you’ll be surprised to find out that your ego isn’t even the biggest one in this room.” Hunter beamed. “And you’re not mean. You’re blunt. There’s a difference.”
“Fine. So,