My vision blurred from the tears that streaked my face. Dad took a bottle of their liquor and put it to his lips, gulping back a large swig. I’d hated it when he started drinking. Mom drank and I knew that, but when he drank it changed him. She made him drink. She was the reason he wasn’t the daddy I knew and loved.
“Well lucky for you, I’m done with this bullshit. You’re free to bring home whatever pricks you want—don’t let me stop you anymore. Not that it has stopped you before, you nasty slut!”
Her hand reached out and slapped him across the face. He grabbed her arms and pressed her back against the wall.
“Go on, baby, your pimps are waiting for you to drop your panties.”
“I hate you, Kole! Get the fuck out of our lives, and don’t come back!” She grabbed the lamp next to them and threw it viscously in his direction.
The shattering sounds rang through the house and rattled my bones. I watched, unable to tear my eyes away as he stood upright with his face flame red fists clenched tight at his sides.
“You BITCH!” My mother grabbed her purse and ran out the front door.
I couldn’t stop my little legs from running out to him, afraid he might be hurt.
“Daddy!” I’d cried out— my arms held on tight to the stuffed bunny rabbit he’d given me on my 5th birthday. He looked down into my eyes and sighed. I watched his face go from the comforting father I’d always known to the same cold distant look he usually reserved for my mother.
“You need to be in bed.” The sternness of his voice took me by surprise.
“Are you okay, Daddy? Will you come tuck me in?” I held out my hand for him to grab. He ignored it and crossed his arms over his chest.
“You’re too much like your mother, Danielle; I can’t be around you either.” He grabbed his wallet and bike keys off the littered dining room table and pushed past me outside.
“Daddy, no… come back!”
“Go inside, kid. I’m not your daddy anymore.” The bike roared to life under him and without a second glance back— he took off into the night. I ran after him, my feet screaming beneath me as rocks and twigs scarred my feet. When I could no longer see him I dropped to my knees and let the tears fall from my eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“I screamed after him into the night, but he never returned. I was seven when he left us and after he rode away I walked back to our front steps and cried myself to sleep. My mother stumbled up the steps hours later and carried me into the house, setting me down in my bed. She looked at me and I could see her eyes were glazed over and she reeked of straight-up liquor. She held a finger out to me and said, ‘Your daddy isn’t coming back, baby. So you need to be a tough girl and get over it. No more tears over that man, do you promise me?’ I nodded and she stumbled into her room and that was the last we spoke about it.”
“My mother actually took up a motherly role for a short period of time and my Gram started taking me to spend more time with them. None of them could replace my dad. My mother never saw me cry, but in the dead of the night I would. I missed my father horribly and that was when I started spending time with the only other guy I knew—Oliver. We grew up together— because our grandparents shoved us together to play with each other so they could do their own thing. He hated being stuck with me, but I loved it. Even as a child I was drawn to him. As we grew up, my childhood infatuation turned into a school girl crush which escalated into love. Oliver was the first guy I fell in love with, but that blew up in my face.”
“That girl I asked you about, Jayme, she was my best friend all 4 years of high school. At the end of senior year she got together with Ollie and completely embarrassed me. She knew how I felt about him, but all she thought about was herself. Losing the possibility of having Oliver in my life, made me remember losing Kole. As a 7-year old little