the one I wanted to come home to. I deleted the voicemail and shut my phone off—there was no way I was calling him, especially after those feelings. This was going to be just one more night alone. So why did that upset me?
* * * *
Over the next few days I received a few other calls and messages from Corey. It took everything in me to ignore them, but I did. My need to be with him was still there—greater honestly. I wasn’t in the mood for my foolish heart to think I was falling for another guy. Bailey continued assisting me with preparing the details for upcoming events—primarily Emily’s wedding. Then on Friday, my Grandma stopped by for a visit. She gave her stamp of approval on the way I’d run things—so far—and reminded me (like I needed it) that I was scheduled to see my mother the next day.
All Friday night I tossed and turned, convincing myself it wasn’t a huge deal for me to visit. Truth—I was scared. It has been years since I saw my mother and the picture in my memory I doubted, would match the woman I would be seeing tomorrow. I have seen enough after-school specials to know that meth screws with a person’s physical features. I’ve seen the before and after shots on countless strangers, but seeing it in my own mother’s face— would be devastating.
How was I going to manage this—without a mental breakdown?
Saturday morning, I was up and showered bright and early. I applied some make up; enough to look natural, but more than usual so I’d feel slightly hidden. My hair was not behaving, so it eventually ended up being twisted into a French braid down my back. I even wasted time going through a few different outfits. Finally settling on jeans, a pink scoop neck sweater and for a final touch I added my white and pink polka dot scarf. Once I was all set to go—I found anything possible to keep me occupied and delay the inevitable.
Which included, folding the rest of my clean laundry and putting it away, then cleaning the dishes, sink and the countertops in the kitchen. After making another pot of coffee, I paced around the kitchen and dining room. I straightened up my gossip magazines on the table in the living room, and resumed my pacing. About an hour after all that, I found the fresh pack of cigarettes at the bottom of my purse, that I had purchased after the last pack Corey had thrown out.
My original plan was to just smoke them in the car the whole drive to ease my mind. Instead, I sat on the front steps and waited another twenty minutes before taking one out of the box. After another twenty, I knew I didn’t have the energy to smoke. My stomach churned and I felt the bile rising. No one should be this afraid to see their mother. What the hell was my problem?
My head rested against my hands with my elbows on my knees, keeping me upright. A car pulled up behind mine but I didn’t bother looking up from the step in front of me. It could only be one of a few people and no matter whom it was—I wasn’t in the mood.
“Are you okay, Dani?”
Corey. I should have known. God—you don’t call the guy for a couple days and he shows up like a lost puppy. We weren’t a couple and I needed my space, damn it! Especially today.
“Go away, Corey. I’m not in the mood.” I was even a bit startled by the harsh attitude in my tone.
“I’m not here for that,” he responded in a voice so calm and soothing, it did nothing soften my rough exterior. And it pissed me off even more that I couldn’t remain stern.
“Well, whatever it is, I don’t care. I can’t be around you or anyone else right now.” My eyes refused to look up at him; hoping he’d go back to his car, before I was forced to see those piercing blue eyes gazing directly into my soul.
That plan failed, as I felt Corey take a seat next to me. My blood boiled with frustration while his hand gently rubbed my back; my spine stiffened, building the incomprehensible tension. I didn’t need this now—this compassion! I didn’t ask for it and I certainly didn’t want it.
“Talk to me, Danielle.” The pleading words that poured from him, made my throat tighten from holding