“Wait! But mom I just don’t know if I can do that.” No, I absolutely cannot do that!
“Well, you’re already down and you can’t just, not show up! I’m your mother! See you then!” My mouth remained open as the dial tone sounded in my ear. Time stood still as I let the tail end of our conversation sink in. It had taken me a month to even think about talking to her on the phone. Now in just a few short days’ I was supposed to go see her. Hell no.
The last time I’d seen my mother was before I left Serenity for New York. My car had been packed, gas tank full and I’d been ready to get away as fast as the speed limit would allow. Gram and Gramps had already said goodbye, but my mother had been M.I.A. the week prior. When she’d showed up out of the blue, at the house, her eyes were bloodshot with such deep bags underneath, that it had looked as if she’d packed to go with me. That was the first time I’d seen the intense effects of her abuse. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t observed her during different stages such as, in the middle of a high or a few days after, when she’d wondered back home strung out and exhausted. But that last time had frightened the hell out of me and struck me hard.
From the moment my dad had walked out on us she’d been a flaky mother at best. Her absences during every momentous event in my life weren’t out of the ordinary, but I’d certainly never realized as a child, the full extent of her imminent self-destruction. I’d always had a bundle of excuses on hand for her when other parents and teachers questioned her lack of presence in my life or her parenting skills. No one believed me of course, but no one bothered to question me further either.
All my life I’d felt the need to protect her in a way. In part, I suppose because I always wished I’d had a normal mom. My Gram protected her business; my mother her private life. I’d always been on my own—as a kid, then a young girl, straight through to my first year as an official adult. Now I was nothing more than a 25-year-old woman, crumbling apart at the seams. The bitter taste of reality gnawed into my skin and reminded me every moment of every day that I was alone.
I needed an escape from that feeling—if only for a night.
* * * *
“What are you doing tonight?” I asked, hopefully, my plan to work the stress away all day didn’t go the way I hoped. Now that I was home surrounded by the silence and memories I needed a distraction. When I’d dialed Corey’s number my first thought was—sex.
“There’s this bar about 20 minutes from here that I keep hearing about. Want to come check out some competition with me?” Although his suggestion took me by surprise it also told me that all I really needed was him. Wherever he was going, I wanted to be there too.
“Sounds good to me. When are you heading out?”
“How about I come over now to pick you up?” My eyes scanned down over the outfit I wore to work.
“Yeah, now isn’t good. I’d like to change and get ready a little bit.”
“Tell you what—you get ready, I’ll head over now and just hang out until you finish.”
“I suppose that’d be fine.”
“See you in a little bit.”
Corey arrived while I was deciding between one of two outfits. My eyes greedily took in his absolutely sexy casual demeanor. His dark hair was still wet from an earlier shower leaving the delicious smell of his body wash lingering in the space between us. Then my eyes lowered to his faded jeans that hung nicely off his hips, a white thermal long sleeved-shirt with a dark grey fitted t-shirt over; nicely highlighting his mouthwatering muscles. The door was unlocked for him so I didn’t lose concentration on my internal struggles over what to wear. Corey walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. After pressing a kiss to my temple his chin settled on my shoulder.
“Wear that one.” Corey motioned to the more revealing of the two. My black short shorts, white stretchy tank top with a grey and white sleeveless vest. The vest had to be one of my favorite