up a few other discarded items I hadn’t noticed before. The urge to apologize profusely was on the tip of my tongue but for some reason it never came out.
My throat tightened at the sudden urge to hold back the sob making its way out. I could see I was hurting him…but I couldn’t stop. “I’m just going to get my shower started. I’ll be back out in a second.” I needed to step away from him for a moment—then I would be fine.
I turned on the water to the highest temperature and let it run before pulling the switch to send the stream out the shower head. When I left the bathroom Corey was still in the kitchen, holding my pack of cigarettes discarded on the counter.
“So are you ever going to tell me what got under your skin so badly today that made you call me?” When he looked up at me the soft, gentle man that stared back at me earlier was gone. This man was downright pissed off as he took my pack and crushed it in his hand before throwing it into my trashcan.
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled; my eyes darting towards my feet.
“It does matter, Dani. When are you going to get that you mean something to me? I want to be here for you but you need to let me.” His words pleaded with me; I felt my insides clench at the thought. More than anything I wanted to open my mouth and tell Corey everything. Let him hold me close and assure me I’m wasn’t the emotional failure I felt like I was. But I didn’t know if I could do it.
Doubt was riddled in every thought I had. Sure he was here now. But what about tomorrow? Would he still be there when he realized just how screwed up I was? I was someone he wanted to be there for—now—it wasn’t the first time some guy thought I was special. And I doubted it’d be the last. But just like all the others before him my words would become insignificant and my actions would go unnoticed.
It was time for me to take control of my own destiny. I was in charge of who got a spot in my heart. While Corey was a genuinely great person—he was just another guy. Soon enough he’d see me as nothing more than a burden and I’d be left with a longing that wouldn’t go away for a man I’d done everything I could do, to push out the door.
“I don’t want to get into it, Corey.” My tone was a warning for him to drop the topic.
“Maybe you should get into it. You have had many changes in your life, what with moving back, running the Inn, your mom in prison. How could you not want to talk about any of it?!”
“What’s your problem?!” The thought slipped out before I could process it. Then again, he had no right bringing up the crap with my mom. Whether he knew her or not, that was my business. I didn’t want to discuss it and his persistence left me furious.
“I’m trying to understand you!” His hands flailed around in front of him in big gestures.
“Well don’t! You may know my family and more about my background than I’ve told you, but that doesn’t mean you know me! I didn’t call you over here to chat about my life. That shit is none of your business! Your only job was to fuck my brains out. Mission accomplished. Now we’re done for the night!” With his hands on his hips he paced around my kitchen.
“Don’t hold this crap in, Danielle. Since when have I received the title as just your booty call? I get it, we’re not a couple but I sure as fuck thought we were friends! Now, talk to me.” This time his voice pleaded with me but it was too late. My defenses were on high-alert and I wasn’t about to divulge any part of my life tonight. Not to mention my calm from the sexual release was gone and now thanks to Corey—so were my cigarettes.
“Just get out, Corey. If you don’t like our little arrangement I’ll find someone else that can get the job done. Now if you’ll excuse me I want to shower and go to bed.” I could be a real bitch when I was angry. I meant none of what I’d said but somehow it poured out of my mouth