he wants to hang out. Nothing serious. We just met, for crying out loud. But seeing him again feels like something that would be good for me.
I start to rise out of my chair when my eye catches a drawing on the table in front of me. It’s an Egyptian landscape—a tall pyramid casting a long shadow under a blazing sun.
Did I draw this? Of course. Obviously, it’s here in front of me, along with pens and colored markers. I must’ve started it before the accident. I should finish it. It’s been two years. I’ll finish it now. I uncap a Magic Marker, wishing I had canvas and paint. Maybe Delia will bring some for me when she comes. Or Mom and Dad.
I miss them. I try to remember their faces, to recall one moment of our lives before the accident.
I can’t. When I look, I see emptiness. Like a vast desert of space with no walls but no air moving either. Fear starts to dig into my stomach, and I reach for the markers. Something I can hold in my hand. I add color to the sky. When it’s done, I pick up the ballpoint. Tiny words loop out from under my pen and fill the shadow beneath the pyramid.
Strong stone moan groan lone alone lonely lowly low slow such scratch scar scar scar
It doesn’t make sense. Words and words and words, saying nothing.
A person who studies words is an etymologist.
How is this a Thing I Know? Did I study words in college? Did I go to college? I try to remember. Something. Anything.
Silence in my mind.
Emptiness.
I’m lost…
My heart pounds and blood rushes to my ears. I read the words beneath the pyramid again.
Strong stone moan groan lone alone lonely
Jimmy is lonely. The words are about Jimmy.
Who is Jimmy?
Dark hair and eyes. Kind eyes. And a uniform. Was it white…?
Was what white?
I don’t know. I can’t see anymore. I can’t remember…
I open my eyes for the first time.
There’s an old man with a dented head at the next table.
Am I in a hospital?
Yes, because there was an accident and now I’m back.
Jesus, how long have I been away?
My heart pounds and blood rushes to my ears. My hand is clutching a pen and my knuckles hurt. It’s hard to breathe. There was the accident, and now I’m here in this room. But how long between then and now? How did I get here? How much time have I lost?
A petite woman in a blue uniform is hurrying to me. A nurse. Her nametag says Rita.
“How long has it been?” I ask.
“Two years, Miss Hughes,” Rita says. “The doctors are working on your case.”
She’s right. The doctors are working on my case. That’s one of the Things I Know.
My name is Thea Hughes.
There’s been an accident.
The doctors are working on my case.
This nurse knew that, which means she must know me somehow. My hands unclench a little.
Still, I can’t find… something. It’s lost and I need to find it. If only I knew what it was.
“This is a beautiful pyramid,” Rita says, tapping the paper on the table in front of me. It’s a picture of an Egyptian desert under a blazing sun, a pyramid casting a long, dark shadow.
I smile. “Thank you. I must’ve done it before the accident.”
Rita has a sweet smile and I feel safe with her. There’s a terror lurking in being alone. I think I’ve been alone for a long time.
I wish I had a canvas and paint. Maybe Delia will bring me some when she comes. Or Mom and Dad. I miss them. I try to remember their faces, to recall one moment of our lives before the accident.
I can’t. When I look, I see emptiness. Like a vast desert of space with no walls but no air moving either. Fear starts to dig into my stomach. I’m holding a pen. It’s solid and real in my hand and the panic ebbs. I put it to the paper and tiny words loop out and fill the shadow beneath the pyramid.
Was what white wrote rote rip trip snip snap map mapped trapped trapped trapped
It doesn’t make sense.
Rita touches my arm. “This is coming along beautifully.”
I smile back with relief. I need her words. I’m starving for them. For touch. Sound. Conversation. It’s so quiet in here.
“Thanks,” I say. “Have you worked here long?”
I feel like I should know the answer to that question. I feel like I should know Rita but I don’t.