I took a pen and paper from the hotel stationery and began to write. Three times, I went away and came back to find my pen in midair or scraping an errant line on the paper. I pulled my focus as best as I could and when I was finished, I folded the page in half and crept back across the room, to the wall where Jimmy’s guitar case leaned.
I kneeled down and…
Why am I on the floor in front of Jimmy’s guitar?
A paper was in my hand, folded in half.
It came back to me in a rush and I grasped onto the consciousness with my entire being.
Stay. Please, stay.
Quietly, carefully, I set the guitar case on the floor and clicked open the little latches. I laid the note on the warm, pale wood of his guitar, shut the case, and set it back against the wall.
Jimmy rolled onto his side when I slipped back into bed. I lay face-to-face with him. My beautiful man. Peaceful in sleep.
My eyes were already falling shut. My thoughts breaking apart and I somehow knew they weren’t coming back. I wasn’t coming back. Not all of me. Not the way I had been.
“I love you, Jimmy,” I whispered.
I leaned in and softly kissed him goodbye.
Chapter 37
Jim
A knock came at the door around five in the morning. I opened it to a crowd of people: a hotel security guard, two EMTs, Dr. Chen, and Rita Soto.
Chen went immediately to Thea, who was still asleep. Rita hugged me and I held on tight, happier to see her than I thought possible.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you,” I said.
“I wasn’t expecting to still have a job,” she said.
“Is Delia here?”
“She’s waiting in Roanoke.”
“Miss Hughes?” Dr. Chen said. “Hi. I’m sorry to wake you but—”
“Where’s Jimmy?” Thea murmured, sitting up.
I rushed over, Rita following, and took her hand. “I’m right here, baby.”
Thea’s empty gaze darted between Rita and Dr. Chen. Then the light turned on in her eyes.
“Rita, what are you doing here?”
“Hi, honey.” Rita hugged her over the bed.
“What’s happening? Why is everyone here in New York?” She looked at me. “Are we still in New York?”
Fuck, this is already too hard.
“Yeah, we are,” I said.
Dr. Chen pulled a penlight from her pocket. “Thea, can I look in your eyes?”
“Why are they here?” Thea demanded with rising panic. “What’s happening?”
“It’s time to go back, honey,” Rita said. “We’re going to take care of you—”
“No, please,” Thea cried. Her gaze swiveled to me. “I changed my mind. I can’t do this. I don’t want to go back. Please…” She clutched my shirt. “Please don’t make me go back.”
Tears stung my own eyes as I held her. “This isn’t right,” I said to Dr. Chen. “Can’t you do something for her?”
“There’s nothing else to do,” she said, her voice low and heavy. “Not right now. She has to go back.”
She has to go back. To Virginia and to that tiny prison.
Thea trembled in my arms, her hands clenching and unclenching my shirt. “Stay with me, Jimmy,” she begged. “Please…”
“I won’t leave you,” I said. “I swear. Not for a second.”
“If it makes things easier, I can sedate her,” Dr. Chen said, with a nod at Rita.
“No,” Thea cried, her hands releasing my shirt. “No. I’m not going back drugged up. I want whatever time is left.” Now her tone turned strong and defiant. “Can we have a moment, please?”
She waited until everyone backed away, then put her forehead to mine, letting her hair fall to shield us.
“I’m so fucking scared, Jimmy.”
“I know you are, and I hate it,” I whispered. “I’d give anything to do this for you.”
“Remember for me.” Tears spilled down her cheeks and over my fingers, and then she pulled me to her, her voice tremulous. “Remember us… when I can’t.”
A hospital van idled in front of the hotel in the early hours as dawn started to break over the horizon. Clutching my hand, Thea walked to the van, stopping once as a blank spot hit. She’d had three more blanks as we packed our hotel room and made our way down.
Dr. Chen and Rita hovered close, but Thea refused to let them examine her in any way.
“It’s almost over,” she said dully, curling up against me in the van. “You can have me when I’m gone.”
Rita shook her head as her eyes met mine. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.