I’ve never felt so happy. Pressing gently on the soft blanket below my hand, I smile. I cannot take my eyes off him. His tiny pink lips. His flickering eyelids. His marshmallow skin. How can something so small be the biggest thing in my life?
Conor briefly turns his attention from the road ahead to steal a glance at his new son.
‘Is he okay?’
‘Yes,’ I say, leaning over to get a closer look while swallowing the jab of pain that shoots up through my body.
‘You’re okay. Aren’t you, sweetie?’ I whisper in his tiny ear. My heart leaps when his eyes open, little dark pools of innocence looking back at me. He yawns as I run my finger down the side of his face.
I’ve already imagined him at every stage of his life. His first steps. His first word. Running down the stairs to see what Santa left. His first day at school and me crying in the yard. Trying on football boots for his first game with Ballycall GAA Club. Then college, girls…or boys. I see his life fast-forwarding before me, right up to the day he leaves me, to stand on his own two feet.
‘What a beautiful life you’re going to have, little Shay,’ I whisper, hoping, praying that he will but fully aware that not everything turns out the way you plan it. Stop it Laura, don’t go there, stay happy.
Conor turns the car off the M3, down the narrow road that leads to the village I’ve called home for the past six months. The autumn sunlight leaps in and out of the car through the tall golden-leaved trees. I lift my hand to block the glare from my eyes. My other hand automatically moves to cover Shay’s face. I’ve got this. I’m going to be a great mother.
‘Almost here,’ Conor says, snatching another glimpse of Shay before turning the bend. The church steeple piercing the sky is the first sign of life in this remote corner of the county. Then the road slopes down to where colour appears in the shape of shops, the school, the police station and the newly refurbished playground at the side of the church. I hope little Shay spends plenty of happy hours swinging from the monkey bars. After all, his daddy paid for them.
When we arrive at the village, the car twists its way down the narrow main street, past the shops and cafes before stopping at the traffic lights in the middle of the road. My attention is automatically pulled to the building on my right.
Hedigan’s Pub has a red painted frontage, with black and gold lettering boasting the sale of premium brands. There’s a board outside. Today’s Specials, scribbled in chalk. Inhaling deeply, I picture her standing there placing the board into position, her hand eager to wave at familiar passers-by.
Everyone knew Vicky. I even got to meet her in the short time I’ve been here. All smiles as she busily wiped down the table before taking our order. I would have liked to have known her better. Maybe had a drink with her at the bar. But I’ve been pregnant since coming to live here so it was only ever ‘a fizzy water for me, please’.
I hear a soft mumble: Shay, vying for my attention. He wiggles a little so I place my hand back on top of the blanket.
‘We’re nearly there, baby.’ I kiss his face. Conor moves the car on down the road.
I’m hoping the arrival of this new little life will bring some joy to this devastated community. The news of Vicky’s murder has suctioned the happiness out of the place, leaving everyone baffled, confused, sad, carrying on in disbelief that a young woman could lose her life so horrifically, in this, their perfect little village.
Chapter Two
Balloons, banners, ribbons; the whole house is covered in the stuff, blowing in the wind as the car crawls up the gravel driveway. That can only be the work of one person: Maggie. Conor’s mother has been so excited about the idea of becoming a grandma. I can see her waving as she stands beneath the two big pillars that adorn the entrance of this monstrous house. Five bedrooms, each with their own en-suite. A living room the size of a football pitch and a kitchen so modern you’d need a degree in technology just to boil an egg.
Taking a deep breath, I smile out the car window as Conor pulls up. Maggie rushes towards the car and grabs