The First Taste (Slip of the Tongue #2) - Jessica Hawkins Page 0,102

look down at our hands. “I didn’t know you remembered that.”

“Not really. I don’t remember anything. Don’t be sad.”

She’s lying to protect me, something she most likely learned from me. “I’m not sad. I’m glad you remember, I just didn’t know you were thinking about all this.” I have to breathe through my mouth for a few seconds to quell the pain in my chest. “You have questions about your mom?”

“I think so, but I know she makes you sad, and I don’t want that.”

I have tried, with every fiber of my being, to shield Bell from all this. I keep it inside as much as possible, and I never talk about Shana in front of her. It’s beyond me how she’s figured this out, though it shouldn’t be, because she continues to surprise me daily. “You’re getting so goddamn smart and big. How? When?”

“I’m not big. I’m still half your size.”

I chuckle. “Yeah. What do you want for dinner?”

“Pizza,” she says so quickly, I wonder if she really does or if it’s an automatic response.

“All right, tell you what,” I say, picking up her bag and standing. “We’ll get some pizza and go home, and you can ask me all the questions you have.”

I hope, that in the time it takes to order a pizza and drive home, I’ll be able to figure out the answers to questions I’ve avoided thinking about for four years.

TWENTY-FOUR

AMELIA

When Sadie knocks on my office door, it takes me a few seconds to invite her in. I’ve been avoiding her for days as best I can in a small office where we have daily meetings. We haven’t yet been alone in the same room, but I’ve caught her staring at me a few times.

Ever since I bolted from Andrew at the flea market, I’ve wanted to reach out, explain why, and make it right. I can’t get myself to complete the call, though. I once found Reggie charming, clever, and kind—all things I consider Andrew to be. Now that I’ve seen the other side of Reggie, I’m afraid it was there all along. I just turned a blind eye to it. How do I know I’m not doing the same with Andrew?

“Come in,” I say.

Sadie closes the door behind her, brings her laptop to my desk, and turns the screen to me. “How’s this look for the IncrediBlast event next month?”

I glance over the invitation, but I find it hard to care. I used to take self-abusive joy in micromanaging, in having my stamp on every single thing that passed through this office. The truth is, it’s a goddamn invitation that people won’t decline just because the kerning’s a little tight. I look up and sigh. “The kerning’s a little tight.”

“I thought so too.”

I look at her over my glasses. “You could’ve e-mailed it to me.”

“I needed to take a walk,” she says. Her desk is thirty feet away. “How are things?”

“Things are fine.”

“I meant with Andrew. I’m not blind, Amelia. I know you’re sleeping with my brother.”

I pause, then slide my specs off completely and set them on the desk. “And? Are you upset?”

“Why would I be?”

“You know how I am about men. And he’s your family. I didn’t think you’d like it very much.”

“Admittedly, at first, I was a little shocked,” she says. “You two don’t really make a lot of sense. But then I decided I was too impressed to feel anything else about it.”

“Impressed?”

“I’ve been trying to get him interested in someone for years. That’s why I tried to force Mindy on him.”

“Right. Mindy.” I sit back in my chair. “You should’ve tried harder. She really would’ve been a good fit for him.”

She tilts her head at me. “You think?”

“She’s young, energetic, beautiful. She wants kids. Well, I’m not sure how she’d fare in Jersey, honestly, but—” I stop at the perplexed look on Sadie’s face. “Oh. I’m ending things with him.”

“I didn’t realize. Andrew’s not very forthcoming about these things.”

He wouldn’t be, if not because he’s fairly private, then because I asked him not to be. We’ve only known each other a short time, but it’s as if the harder I resisted him, the closer we became. Which might be fine for a normal couple, but we’re far from normal. We can only be dysfunctional together, since we don’t function all that well apart.

I’d forgotten that for twenty-four hours, but seeing Reggie at the flea market over the weekend brought it all barreling back to me. Andrew and I