him and wonder what could have been. No child should have to endure that.’
I only have to picture Sophia’s face, on the days when she’s missing Tom even more than usual, to get a sense of the sadness that she carries with her everywhere she goes. My eyes fall to the table, for fear that I might sob at the injustice that they’ve both suffered. If I could take away Beth’s pain I would. But as I can’t, the next best thing I can do is support her in her mission.
‘Why don’t we see if we can find him first?’ I say.
‘We?’ she repeats, her eyes wide.
‘I’ll do all that I can to help you,’ I promise. ‘But there’s nothing to be gained from talking to Millie at this point. If you tell her you’re looking, and he doesn’t want to be found, it’ll only lead to more heartache.’
She mulls it over. ‘Mmm, you’re probably right. I’ll have a tentative look around, see if I can find any trails that might lead in his direction.’
‘And if I can do anything to help, just let me know.’
‘I might hold you to that.’ She laughs.
As usual, we bicker over the bill, but as much as I genuinely want to pay for her, I’m aware that there’s a very fine line between being generous and being patronizing. I only agree to go halves if she promises to let me pay next time.
‘So, when will you know about the Japanese project?’ she says as we reach her car.
‘Monday, hopefully,’ I say, crossing my fingers. ‘Just as soon as they exchange contracts.’
‘I’ll be keeping everything crossed for you,’ she says.
‘Thanks for listening,’ I say, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. ‘I’m sure everything will work out for the best.’
She hugs me tightly and I feel like I might cry. ‘Good luck,’ she says. ‘Keep me posted.’
‘Good luck to you too,’ I say, and we both know what I mean.
6
‘So, how’s it going to work?’ Lottie asks forthrightly, as we sit in our team meeting the following morning. ‘When we’re so far away from the site.’
‘Okay,’ says Nathan, looking to me for the go-ahead to reveal what we’d discussed. I give a small nod. ‘Well, once we’re properly up and running, we’re thinking Alice will stay here, overseeing the project from the UK. And I’ll be over there, making sure everything is received and in good order.’
‘So, you’re not going over there at all?’ Lottie says incredulously, looking at me.
I stay focused on the random sketches on my pad. They say a lot can be determined about a person from their doodles and I wonder what conclusion would be drawn from the cubes and stars that are scattered across the paper in front of me.
‘No, Alice will be based here,’ says Nathan. ‘But that does mean I’m going to need some help on the ground in Japan. Lottie, maybe that would be something you’d consider doing.’
It had been my suggestion, a way of getting myself off the hook, but Nathan had readily agreed. If he felt I’d manipulated the situation, he didn’t say.
‘Seriously?’ chokes Lottie, her voice high. ‘Oh my God, seriously?’
He smiles. ‘Yes, seriously. What do you say?’
I choose to bat away the uncomfortable sensation that is swirling in my stomach; pretending that it’s just nerves about the job. But as much as I try to disguise it, the green-eyed monster won’t be silenced. I wanted to be the one to pull it all together, be the first to see the end result.
You could, the voice in my head says. If you were brave enough.
‘It would be a really wonderful opportunity for you Lottie,’ I say, with a smile fixed on my face. ‘And we’re confident you’ll do it with aplomb.’
‘I can’t believe it,’ she says. ‘Of course, yes, yes, yes.’ She instinctively jumps out of her chair and throws her arms around Nathan. ‘Thank you, I won’t let you down.’
Lottie’s blonde hair swishes from side to side as she makes her way towards me, and I get up out of my chair, ready to receive her gratitude. ‘I don’t know what else to say apart from thank you,’ she says, putting her arms around me.
‘Well, we haven’t got the job yet,’ I say, seemingly conscious that we shouldn’t be getting ahead of ourselves. But I half-wonder if I just say it to rain on her parade.
‘How come you’ve got Daddy’s car?’ squeals Olivia as she jumps into the front passenger