business, Rosie. That’s what you’re not paying me for! Extra-curricular activity.’ He winks, but this time the wink isn’t seductive, it’s mate-y.
Noooo. How does he do that?
My head, my body cannot cope with this. I’m back on that bloody big dipper ride again.
‘We are going to get you chatting people up.’
‘Well, I know that, but …’
‘Here, now, right now! Speed flirting!’
‘I thought you said you weren’t a pimp!’
‘I’m not pimping, this is just a bit of light flirting practice. I can rescue you if you need me to!’
‘Are you mad?’
‘No. Go on. Try. Go up to the bar, I’ll pick a man.’
‘Get lost, you are not picking a man out for me!’
‘You’ll be fine, I’ll watch you.’
‘I don’t want to be watched. You did that with Steve.’
‘I did not.’
‘Yes, you did, Mr Stalk-y man. You might have put him off dates for life! You definitely put him off dating me.’
‘No loss, haha.’
‘Don’t be mean, he was nice.’
‘Sure, but it doesn’t matter, this is just about technique. I can let you know how it goes!’
‘I think I’ll be able to tell how it goes, by whether or not they want more! And that’s spooky, chatting someone up and being assessed is too weird.’ I give him my interrogation look. ‘You’ve not got a marksheet, have you?’
‘Yup, approach, one-liners, body language, confidence, all of the stuff I’ve been teaching you!’
‘You have not!’ I am worried now, what if he has? I was all prepared in my head for a cosy non-date with him, flirting optional.
‘I have, it’s in my head! Think of it as facilitating.’
‘Think of it as stalky man! No way, no. I am not just going up to the bar and chatting some random guy up. And anyway, I did that at the gym with Steve, and I did it at the climbing wall. I—’
‘The right people. I don’t want anybody to take advantage, to—’
‘I’m not a baby, Noah! This is supposed to be about fun, about getting a date, having fun like you do.’ It’s my turn to put my hand over his. ‘Come on, how many dates have you got lined up for the next week? ’Fess up!’
He looks down at our hands, then back at me. ‘None.’
‘None? Oh, come on, don’t mess, tell me!’
‘I’m not messing.’ He sits back, sliding his hand out from under mine. ‘I’m free all week actually, you can have as many lessons as you want!’
‘Wow. I’m stuck for words.’
‘So much me you can’t cope?’
I want to kiss his dimples, or at least touch them. ‘I meant I’m in shock you’ve not got a date lined up!’
‘I wanted some time to myself. It’s exhausting being perfect and sexy all the time, you know!’
‘It must be,’ I say drily. ‘Actually,’ I put my head on one side and study him (ignoring the dimples), ‘I think I’m starting to understand you! You’re a bit of a control freak yourself, aren’t you?’ I hold up a hand to stop him talking. ‘Stop right there! I know you’ll say I am, and I admit it. I like control, there, I said it! But so do you. You need to stage things, control the dates, decide when you need to make a quick exit. You,’ I pause, ‘need to control me – that’s why you hated it when I took the initiative and arranged a date with Steve, then chatted Stuart up!’
‘Woah, woah, woah, Rosie. You’re overreacting a bit here! I just feel responsible. I started this, so I don’t want you to get hurt, not on my watch!’
‘Your watch?’
‘Okay, I don’t want it to go wrong.’ He comes back a bit closer, puts a finger under my chin and studies me. ‘There are a lot of pricks about, I don’t want one to use you just to boost his own ego.’
‘Is that what you do?’ I ask softly. Knowing it’s not fair to even ask.
He shakes his head. ‘I try not to hurt anybody, Rosie. I go out with girls who know the rules, who know it’s about having fun.’
‘It doesn’t always work like that, Noah. I think they sometimes forget.’
‘Maybe that’s why I need a break.’
‘Is it?’ I peer more closely at him. Has Noah decided that first-dating his way through life isn’t so perfect after all? ‘Have you, Noah Adams, seen the error of your ways?’
‘The only error,’ he grins, ‘is that your glass is empty.’
‘My round,’ I say, standing up.
Luckily the barman recognises me this time, and I’m not standing waving empties at him