He lets go. I make a big fuss of brushing myself down and straightening myself out so that I’ve got time to get my pulse rate down to a normal level.
Kissing Noah was so such a bad idea.
His skin is so smooth, like velvet draped over a hard rock. Oh hell, I’m going all mushy and dramatic.
I’m all over the place with the shock of seeing Gabe, with knowing he’s not just some stupid guy who doesn’t turn up for dates, knowing he’s a married man. With the kick in the gut that he’s yet another man just like my dad. With kissing Noah.
I need to get control.
‘Get a grip, Rosie.’ I mutter under my breath.
‘Are you okay?’ Noah tucks the hair behind my ear which makes me flinch away.
‘Fine.’ Oops that might have been a bit snappy. ‘Sure, thanks. I am fine, just in shock.’
‘I’m sorry you had to … It was bad enough the git did what he did to you, without you finding out he …’
‘It’s fine.’ I smile at him.
‘It’s not though, is it?’ His voice is soft.
‘I’m fine. Honest.’ Being in his arms was far more of a shock than seeing Gabe with his family in tow. I try not to stare at Noah’s mouth. He’s got such nice full lips, well not too full, firm, but just right for kissing.
‘Rosie?’
‘Sorry.’ Must stop staring. ‘So,’ I clap my hands together and aim for brisk, ‘what’s the plan then?’
‘Let’s go and sit down, grab a coffee from that van. Come on.’ He leads me over to a bench, fusses around as though I’m a trauma victim, then goes to buy us a coffee. He hardly takes his eyes off me.
It’s so sweet I feel like crying again.
‘Right.’ He sits down. ‘Tell me about your date with your climbing instructor then. You shouldn’t date your teachers, you know.’ He wags his finger and gives me a stern look, that’s also supposed to be funny.
‘I know,’ I say miserably. Oh, I definitely know I should not date my instructors. Either of them.
I also know that I don’t want to go on a date with Stuart. It doesn’t matter. He was nice, easy-going but I don’t want to date for the sake of it. I want to kiss Noah again. Which is scary and stupid. ‘I probably won’t do it.’
‘Oh?’
‘I’m not that into him.’
We both stare into our coffee cups. ‘So, tell me about your dad then.’ His voice is soft, the words unexpected. ‘Please, if you want to.’
I don’t say anything, I’m too busy trying to gather my thoughts, put them into words that make sense. ‘Not a lot to say.’
‘Oh, Rosie. Gabe didn’t bother you, did he? It was the kids, the thought of kids getting tangled up in this and hurt, like you were.’
‘How could I have got it wrong, how could I have nearly …’
‘You didn’t know him, Rosie. You hadn’t even met him.’
‘But I should have been able to tell!’ I’m shocked that with all the layers of self-protection I thought I had draped around myself, with all my determination to make sure I found the right man, I still could have got it wrong. I stare into my cup. ‘Dad cheated, cheats. He’s done it all my life, I think. He travels round with his orchestra and shags who he wants and has always come home when he’s bored or wants a change.’ I shrug and try and pretend it’s easy to say.
‘Those girls he sees must know he’s got a family though, it’s totally different to you meeting somebody online. You can’t blame yourself.’
‘I know.’ I sigh. I’ve built my whole life around protecting myself from the charmers of life and trying to build something safe and secure. Something boring and risk-free, so that I’d feel safe. Have a normal life.
And I’ve jumped to conclusions about people like Noah. Somebody who has always been honest, somebody my instincts have told me I can trust. Somebody who has always given me one hundred per cent of his attention while he’s been with me. When he’s been with me, he’s been with me – if that makes sense. He’s never been watching other people, flirting, or finding his phone or a conversation more interesting. Even though all I am is a girl he’s decided needs a helping hand.
‘Dad wasn’t an easy man to grow up with. Not that he was there much.’ I sigh heavily.