more than I thought. ‘Guys already fancy the pants off you, you’re beautiful.’ I shiver involuntarily, gulp. I should move, I should go now. ‘Look, Rosie.’ He puts a hand over mine and leans in even closer, confidentially. ‘Before we go any further, there’s something you need to know about me.’
‘What do you mean before we go any further?’ I whisper back, my throat all sandpapery.
‘With the lessons, before we get to the real nitty gritty and you fall madly in love with me.’
The way he says it, so matter of fact, hits the intense moment on the head. It’s gone, just like that. I laugh. ‘I’m not going to fall madly in love with you! Big head!’
‘You are, unless you know. You see,’ he leans in even closer, until his nose brushes against my skin, lowers his voice to a very loud whisper, ‘love is horrible.’ He sinks back onto the seat as though the announcement has exhausted him. We’re still shoulder to shoulder, our fingers close enough to entwine, but he’s miles away. ‘A total ball-breaker. You never recover from it.’ He nods his head. ‘Honest, cross my heart. I know. It is evil, so,’ he taps the back of my hand, ‘don’t do it, Rosie-Posie.’
‘Oh, Noah.’ I want to hug him, but I resist. Is this what he was talking about, love that went wrong? ‘It can be evil, but it doesn’t have to be.’ I mean, I know exactly about the bad side of love, don’t I? The totally in lust, passionate, destructive type of love that can practically remove all common sense and replace it with a lack of impulse control and make a person put up with crap they really shouldn’t. This is what I’ve been trying to tell him – that safe, sensible love is a much better option. ‘It doesn’t have to be like that, not all kinds of love are evil. You just have to find the right one, who won’t hurt you, or cheat on you …’ My words drift off, he’s giving me a funny raised-eyebrow look. I’ll save that speech for another time. ‘Who did this to you? Who was she?’ I know it’s not really any of my business, but I feel like I want to know who’s hurt him so hard he feels he has to veer away from any woman he might fall for. Because maybe he’s not the same as Dad at all. Maybe he’s more like me. Afraid to fall too deeply for somebody who might hurt him all over again.
‘Who?’ He blinks.
‘The girl you loved.’
‘I didn’t love a girl!’ He frowns. ‘I’ve never been in love really, have you?’
I am confused. Very confused. He looks confused as well.
I take a big gulp of the drink he bought for me and decide to play along, then steer things back to him. Subtly. Although I’m not good at subtle when I’ve had a few drinks. ‘I thought I was, but it wasn’t proper love, it was—’
‘Safe! You went for somebody you just liked. Very wise. But,’ he looks around as though he’s expecting somebody to be eavesdropping, ‘I know somebody who was totally in love! Off his head, completely, doo-lally, bonkers in love.’
‘You do? It wasn’t you; it was somebody else?’
‘Oh God, yeah. And it ruined him. He’s ruined. Totally ruined, a mess.’ He shakes his head and looks genuinely upset. ‘Broken into little bits. That’s what love does. Do you want another drink? I’m parched. Back in a minute.’
I watch him weave his way to the bar. I’ve never seen Noah drunk. And I’ve never heard him use the ‘L’ word before either.
I feel a bit tipsy myself, but not so tipsy that I don’t need to hear the rest of this.
‘So,’ he plonks himself back down, and takes a swig of his drink. ‘Drink up, cheers!’
‘Cheers! This guy?’
‘Jed! It’s Jed!’
‘Jed?’ I frown. The name rings a bell. ‘Oh Jed!’
‘You know him too?’ He looks confused. ‘What a bloody coincidence. Miserable git, isn’t he?’
‘I don’t know him. The day we met, when I’d been stood up?’ He nods. ‘You said you’d met him for a drink.’
He nods violently. ‘You sure you want to hear this? It’s sad. Very sad.’ He pulls a sad face, it’s a bit of a pantomime face, but there’s more to it than that. His eyes look sad. It’s important, I’m sure of it.
‘Tell me about Jed.’
‘O-kay.’ He draws the word out, swigs his drink and takes a deep