It stopped me feeling sorry for myself.’ No way can I go into details, not until I have a clear head. ‘He was nice, and he walked me home.’
‘Walked you home!’
I hold the phone away from my ear. ‘Tell me you kissed! You kissed, didn’t you!’
‘Bea!’
‘But you had a nice time? And he knows where you live. When are you seeing him again?’
I try to stop laughing. ‘Oh Bea, no way would I date a guy like that. He was such a player, I could tell. He actually admitted he was a serial first dater!’
‘Maybe that’s what you need. You know, just some fun?’
And to end up getting hurt. ‘No.’ I say it more firmly than I mean to, but I’ve seen what men like that can do, the hurt they can bring even as they’re saying they love you. The way they even convince themselves they can change, but they can’t. I’ve seen a man like that cause so much pain to a person I love – and not been able to do anything at all to make it right. A man like that is not for me. ‘Why is it so bloody difficult?’ I sigh. ‘It’s not like I’m asking for some wonder boy with a super yacht, Jag and French chateau to his name, is it?’
‘Would be nice though.’ Bea has a dreamy edge to her voice.
‘I’m not even after a totally ripped Richard Madden, Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal mash-up, or a Matthew Goode charmer.’
‘It’s a good bloody job,’ says Bea. ‘Has anybody ever told you that you can be strange at times? Boy that is weird: Chris Hemsworth and Ryan Gosling in one package?’ I can tell I’m losing her; she’s distracted by the thought of all these hunks merged into one perfect man.
‘I’m not strange! I’ve thought about this a lot, it works if you’ve got the right bits from each one, honestly!’
‘Which bits of Ryan Gosling?’
‘The twinkly eyes, the cheeky bits! Look I’m not explaining, it’s my fantasy, make your own up! But the point is, I just want a normal guy.’
‘Don’t we all, Rosie, it’s not just you.’
‘Noah says I need to pick a Krispy Kreme doughnut, not a kebab.’
‘What?’
‘And I need seduction techniques.’
She giggles. ‘Oh Rosie, I don’t know about kebabs, but you just need one date. One date and you’ll know you can do it. You can, Rosie. You’re so lovely, and kind, and you’re funny and clever, you’ll find somebody soon.’ I haven’t told her my father’s latest comment on that one.
‘I will.’ Or I’ll give up and get a dog.
‘And you did have a date, and you did talk to a man, this Noah. That wasn’t so difficult, was it? Next time will be even easier!’
‘He wasn’t a date, he was just a man who I’d never dream of going out with, and we had a chat and a drink.’
‘That, my girl, is what some people would call a date!’ She chuckles. ‘Meet me for brunch tomorrow, proper catch-up and we can come up with a plan?’
‘Sure.’ I smile. I might tell her about Noah’s offer, and I might not. I haven’t decided yet, because the last thing I want is for Bea to try and persuade me to take him up on it. I need a better plan of my own first. ‘Night, Bea. And thanks.’
‘Night, my lovely.’ She blows a kiss then the line goes dead.
I stare at my mobile phone for a moment, then put it down and lie back. Pulling the duvet up to my chin, a picture of Noah pops into my head – laughing and nudging my arm. Maybe it would be okay to have just one taster session with him? I mean, we’re not going to end up dating because for one, he isn’t interested in actual dating, and two, I know he’s not the right type of guy for me. So would it really do any harm?
I think of bar guy who pretended he hadn’t heard me, of coffee guy who thought I was a loony, of D. B. Tricket my book buying admirer, of Dennis, the new divorcee who’d settle for anybody. Of all the guys I’d swiped away on Tinder, and gorgeous Gabe, who I was sure would set me off on the path to a new relationship.
I am a dating disaster.
Maybe I really should just settle for a dog.
Chapter 4
I’m early for brunch with Bea because I didn’t really sleep that well. All my nearly-dates whizzed