eye contact. Just pause for a moment, and stare. He has nice eyes. I could stare into his eyes for a while; in fact, it’s hard not to. They’ve got little wrinkles at the corners, and they’re a funny grey-blue colour. It’s hard to tell exactly. I lean in a bit closer.
‘Rosie!’ He jiggles my hands and I blink.
‘Sorry.’
‘It’s not the way to do it, Rosie. You deserve better than some creep who’s looking for an easy shag—’
‘They’re not all like that! Lots of people find other people online!’
‘I know, I’m not saying it’s not an idea, but—’
‘Maybe I need to speed date. I mean all the guys are there then, aren’t they? No chance of no-shows, and how bad can it be talking to somebody for ten seconds or whatever you’re allowed before the buzzer? I’m sure I can think of stuff to say for that long! Wow, that’s a brilliant idea, why didn’t I think of it before?’
‘Stop!’ Noah holds a hand up in front of my face, but he’s laughing so much any minute now he could fall off his stool. It makes me giggle back. He makes an effort to pull himself together. ‘Okay, let me get this straight. You just want a first date? You want a doggy for a day that you can send home later?’
I frown at him. ‘Yes, that’s what I said! But a man, not a dog.’ Just to be clear.
‘Not a husband?’
‘Oh my God, no, no. Not yet! I just don’t know how to date. I’ve never had to do it. I need dating practice.’
‘Cool.’
‘Cool?’ I finish off my drink and wonder if another one would be a good idea, or a very bad idea.
‘I have the answer!’ He nods decisively and pulls a funny, excited face.
‘You do?’ I am dubious.
‘I,’ he taps his chest to make sure I understand, ‘am your man.’
‘What? Oh no, no, no, no. You are so not my man!’
‘I am, I am.’ He grabs both my hands again. His are lovely and warm. But that doesn’t matter, he definitely isn’t my man!
‘Listen! I’m brilliant at first dates!’ He lets go of my hands but doesn’t lose eye contact. ‘I’m a serial first dater!’
‘I knew it!’ That slips out unintentionally, but I don’t think he noticed.
‘A total whizz at asking people out! Not so hot on third or fourth dates, or second dates if I’m honest.’ He shrugs self-consciously and looks all boyish and cheeky. I can feel myself getting all hot and bothered.
‘But I don’t want to date you!’
‘Listen, listen, I’m not saying date me, I’m saying I have expertise.’ He taps the side of his nose.
‘But you’re brilliant at dating women, not men!’
‘Thank you.’ He grins and mock bows.
‘That wasn’t supposed to be a compliment! I’m only taking your word for that, I’m not actually saying …’
‘You really need to polish up your chatting technique you know!’
‘I know!’
‘Okay, okay, so I’m, allegedly, brilliant at chatting up women, but I know what a guy like me is looking for.’
‘But I don’t want a guy like you!’ Shoot. I didn’t mean that to come out.
‘I think we need to talk about that at some stage. I’m getting a very negative vibe here.’ He frowns at me, wags his finger; he looks quite masterful. ‘But I know what any guy is after, all guys!’
‘Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.’ How do I tell him that I wanted somebody like Gabe? Sincere, funny, clever, serious. Or at least that is what I thought Gabe was, maybe I was wrong.
‘Oh no, no, stop right there, Rosie.’ He puts a stalling hand out, as though he thinks I’m about to make a dash for the bar door. ‘You’re not running out on me now. This is getting interesting. Come on, come on, show me.’
‘Show you what?’
‘This bloke. His profile. Go on, show me.’ He holds his hand out. Waiting.
‘No way.’ I grab my phone and hold it to my chest.
‘Rosie!’ His voice has a warning edge I wasn’t expecting.
‘Okay, just his profile.’ I open up the profile and put my hand protectively over his face, then scroll up. I don’t want any comments about his looks. ‘You can see what he says, that’s all. Not our messages!’
‘Oh my God, what a smooth twat.’ Noah chuckles, and downs what is left of his drink, then orders another round.
‘What do you mean?’ I look at the profile again. ‘He’s really nice!’
‘Nice eh?’ Noah purses his lips and shakes his head. I