First and Forever (Heartache Duet #2) - Jay McLean Page 0,77
me. Raindrops fall from his hair, cascade down his high cheekbones and past his jaw. “Ava,” he says quietly. “I need you to listen to me.” He exhales. “Can you do that? Please?”
I nod, my traitorous fingers itching to touch him.
“I don’t want to do this with you,” he murmurs.
“Good,” I say, lifting my chin. “Neither do I, so just let me go, and we don’t have—”
His heavy sigh cuts me off. “That’s not what I meant.” Another breath. “What I mean is, I don’t want to go around in circles with you. I don’t want to fight and get back together and then fight and do it all again. I don’t want to fight with you. Ava…” He shakes his head, his gaze distant. “You’re it for me. If there’s no you, then there’s nothing else. No one else.” He laughs once, bitter, and locks his eyes on mine again. “I nearly killed myself for you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
He swallows, his eyes showing his exhaustion, both mentally and physically. “I had one plan in life, Ava. It was four years at college and then the NBA. And then I met you, and I met your mom, and all that changed. I pushed myself so hard and so quickly so that I could get into a decent college and hopefully get the attention I needed so I could do my one year and get drafted and get a decent enough contract that I could take care of you both—you and your mom. I put my mind and body through so fucking much; you have no idea. I never showed you how bad it was, but I nearly lost you once because of it.” He pauses a breath, his words filled with clarity. “Everything I’ve done since the first day I met you has been for you. Every sacrifice I’ve made, every decision...” He holds a hand to his heart. “Every beat of my fucking heart has been for you. And I’ve tried so hard to be there for you through everything. No matter what was going on in my life, I pushed it all aside so that I could be your strength…” Tears well in my eyes as I listen to the truths that fall from his lips. “And I’m not saying this because I want your pity,” he adds, blinking away his heartache as he lowers his gaze. “I’m saying it because I need you to see that, to understand that. Because right now, I need you to trust me. I need you to have faith in me. In us.” A single tear falls from his lashes, and he holds his thumb there, blocking it.
I shift closer to him, his magic calling for me, and take his hand in mine.
He looks up, his withheld cry ruining me completely. “I’m hurting, Ava, and I need you. I need you to be there for me even if… even if I can’t tell you why.”
I hold his face in my hands, kiss away the staggered breath he releases. “Okay.”
His arms go around me while I hold him to me, his mouth finding my neck, kissing me there. “Tell me you love me.”
I capture his lips again. “I love you.”
He chokes out a breath as he pulls away. “Don’t abandon me, Ava. Not you, too.”
My eyes shift between his, drowning in the vulnerability I’m witnessing. “I swear, Connor.”
His mouth claims mine, his urgency forcing me onto my back as his hand slides up my thigh. I part my legs, giving him what he wants.
What he needs.
Even if it costs me my pride.
Chapter 31
Ava
“Is there anything I can do for her?” Connor asks, his gaze shifting from Mom, sitting on the couch in the living room, back to me.
I finish up washing the last of the dishes and hand it to him to dry. “Not really, it’s just part of who she is.” It’s a lie, and he seems to realize that going by the way he’s staring me down.
It’s been a couple weeks now since Connor and I fought and around the same amount of time since the doctors were here. They couldn’t find a solution to our financial problems that didn’t mean cutting some of Mom’s meds and giving her alternatives. They’d hoped the change in her wouldn’t be drastic, but it’s the third zero-day in a row now, and things are looking bleak, at best. But at least she hasn’t hit the negative numbers.