First and Forever (Heartache Duet #2) - Jay McLean Page 0,68
at him. “What’s wrong?”
He turns to me, his eyes red, his nostrils flaring with his exhale. “Jesus, I don’t know how to say this.”
I say through the ache in my chest, “Just say it, Trevor. You’re scaring me.”
“We’re out of money, Ava. And I don’t know how to fix it.” He looks ahead, his gaze distant, while I try to settle my racing heart. “I tried to get a loan yesterday, and they denied it. I’ve already borrowed from Mr. Preston, but I can’t ask him again, and I lied to you before… I wasn’t on the phone with Amy. I was on the phone with Peter—”
“No!” I rush out. “Don’t ask him for money.”
“I have to.”
“No.” I stand. Pace. “I’ll get a job.”
“It won’t be enough.”
“I’ll quit school. We’re so close. I can still graduate.” Probably. “And I’ll be able to help out.”
“The money you’d make could possibly pay for Krystal, but then you may as well stay at home, and even then, we’re so far in the red…”
I wipe at the tears too quick to appear.
“I’m sorry, Ava,” he chokes. “I thought it would be enough, but—”
“Stop it!” I order, standing in front of him. “You’ve done more than…” My stomach twists, and I can’t breathe.
He looks up, tired, worried eyes on mine. “The changes in her insurance meant we had to pay more for her meds, and now that they’ve finally found the right—”
“I’ll call the doctors to come out on Monday. We’ll see what they say.”
Trevor nods. “But we still need help, and Peter—”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Because!” Because with Peter, the debt becomes more than just financial. I calm myself down. “Because we can do this on our own. Just let me call the doctors and the insurance and just… just give me a few days before talking to him, okay? Promise me.”
“All right.”
“And don’t ever do this again.”
“Do what?”
“Carry this weight on your own. Don’t keep secrets from me.”
He nods. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do enough.”
I sit next to him again, wrap my arms around the solid wall of dependency I’ve taken for granted. “Don’t be sorry, Trevor. Ever.”
I just need time, I tell myself again, and everything will fall into place.
Connor
The world is bright orange as the sun begins to set, and it reminds me of the balloons on my porch, of Ava. I wish I were there instead of standing on the sidewalk, leaning against a streetlamp as I look across the road and into the large windows of the chain restaurant at close to 8 p.m.
She’s still there, my mother, waiting for me. Occasionally, she’ll check the time and look at the doors, expecting me to appear.
I don’t know why I’m here. Curiosity, I try to convince myself. Morbid curiosity. I pinch the bridge of my nose, try to release the pounding in my head.
Pushing off the post, I take a step forward, and then another, until I’ve crossed the road and I’m opening the door. My mom sits higher when she sees me, a hint of a smile pulling on her lips. A part of me hates that I’ve given her that tiny amount of joy. But another part of me flashes to all the moments of joy I remember us having, and I think I hate that more.
“Hey,” I murmur the second my ass hits the seat. In a booth, in the corner of the room, I suddenly feel trapped. Anxiety swarms through my bloodline, closing my airways. I shouldn’t have come here, but now it’s too late. And I know that if I didn’t, I’d regret it forever.
“Did you want a drink? Coffee? Hot choco—”
“I hate chocolate.”
“Really?” Her brow lifts. “You used to love it.”
I keep my eyes on hers when I say, “I used to love a lot of things.”
My birth giver shakes her head, her eyes moving to the text written on my arms. She reads it before I can hide what’s there. “Ava. She’s your girlfriend, right?”
“You already know who she is. You’ve met her. And I’d appreciate it if you kept her name out of your mouth.” I don’t want you to tarnish her like you did me, I don’t say.
Her eyes lift, soften. “I went back, you know?”
I lean forward. “What?”
“I went back for you. Once I’d realized what I’d done, I went back…” Tears form in her eyes, and she’s quick to swipe them away. “But you’d already been… found… and there were so many people around you and I couldn’t…”