First and Forever (Heartache Duet #2) - Jay McLean Page 0,31

moment of panic and thought it would be a good idea to reach out to someone who might actually be able to help me. But now that she’s here, I can’t form the words.

“Ava,” she deadpans. “Spill it.”

“It’s a… boy thing,” I tell her because apparently, I’m twelve.

Karen smiles, and I realize how badly I miss these moments with her. “A Connor thing?”

I nod.

“So? Tell me.”

“I… I’m scared.”

She settles in next to me, her legs kicked out, her arms outstretched behind her. “Of what, exactly?”

“Of history repeating, I guess.”

“Well, I don’t really know what happened with you guys last time, so…”

“Things just got too hard,” I admit. “With my mom and his basketball, it just seemed to take up all our time, and when we were together, it was… I don’t know. Bad? Not bad as in we didn’t want to be there, but we were under so much stress and…” I puff out a breath. “I’m talking in circles, and this is pointless.” I stand, unable to sit still any longer.

“It’s not pointless. But just… get it out, A. Whatever you’re thinking, just say it.”

I look at her, at the genuine concern in her eyes, and so I do as she says and just… let go. “The first time we fell in love, it was… magic, you know? Like we were two people who just happened to be at the right place at the right time, and there was this undeniable attraction…” I start pacing, my heart beating wildly in my chest. “And we just seemed so connected in so many ways, and then life… life happened, and it tore us apart, and that’s okay.” I nod to myself, my throat aching with my swallow. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that it had to happen, but now…”

“Now what?” she asks, her voice low as she watches me.

“Now, it’s different.”

“How?”

I slump back down next to her. “Now, it’s like those feelings have amplified. We’re so close to being back there, but I’m afraid because… because things are so much more now. They mean so much more. I mean, every time he looks at me, I feel this”—I bring my hand to my heart—“this ache in here, like… like something is missing and Connor’s it, and last night…”

“What happened last night?” she encourages.

“Last night, he came over and he and my mom—they had this moment together that just killed me in all the best ways.”

“So, what’s the problem?” she laughs out.

“I—” I take a calming breath, drop my head in my hands. “I want it so bad,” I say, trying to collect my emotions. “But I want it forever. And I don’t think that’s possible. Not under my circumstances. Not even under his.”

Karen nods as if taking everything in. She stares out at the field for seconds that feel like hours. Then she blinks, slowly, her gaze moving to mine. “You want to know what I think?”

“Please,” I breathe out.

“I think maybe the first time, you fell in love with the idea of him, you know?”

I nod.

“And now… now you’re in love with him.”

My breath catches while I let her words sink in. “Yeah,” I whisper. “You’re right. I am. I’m so in love with him, Karen.”

She smiles, but it’s almost sad. “I love that you’re in love, Ava. You deserve it.” She links her arm with mine, nudging me gently. “And as far as this fear of forever that you have? Forever’s never guaranteed. You know that more than anyone. So, I guess you should ask yourself if forever ended tomorrow, would you rather go out holding on to regret or holding on to Connor.”

“Connor,” I whisper, facing her. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She kisses my cheek, then giggles. “I guess I should probably stop hitting on him now.”

“I mean, yeah,” I laugh. “I’d appreciate it.”

Chapter 15

Connor

“If you plan to go pro, you have to get used to this shit,” Rhys says after hearing me complain about the open practice we’re about to have. It’s not that I mind doing stuff like this, and I know how important it is… school spirit and all that, but I’d prefer to be using my practice time doing things that better my skill, especially since playoffs start this week. It just seems like a waste of time. I may as well go home and sit on my porch for the slight chance of seeing Ava. It’s been days since I’ve had any real time with her, and it’s getting under my skin.