First and Forever (Heartache Duet #2) - Jay McLean Page 0,25
just that I’m not ready yet. I have a lot of things to figure out before any of that.”
I try to put myself in her shoes. Everything’s so simple for me. I have one goal, and there’s nothing really stopping me from achieving it besides myself. There are so many factors outside of her control and the fact that she manages to—
“You like the hot chocolate?” she asks, breaking through my thoughts.
I take another tiny sip. “Yeah, it’s real nice,” I say, my shoulders tense as I rub my arm, trying to ease the chill of the cold night air.
Ava scoots closer, her hands holding the blanket open for me. I squeeze in, gather the ends of the blanket and wrap them around both of us, shielding us from the rest of the world. I use her body heat to keep me warm. She says, “You shouldn’t have given me your hoodie, stupid.”
“So, give it back.”
“Never,” she whisper-yells.
I don’t mind it, though, because she’s in sleep shorts, her bare legs emitting the most heat. I grasp her calves and pull them over my lap. She wriggles around until she’s comfortable, taking my free arm and holding it to her. With her head resting on my bicep, she says, “I miss these moments with you. When the world’s quiet and we can just be… and it doesn’t matter what we are. We’re just two people who like to be around each other, you know?”
“Yeah,” I agree.
“We don’t need labels, Connor. Friends or not, you’re always going to be the boy who went out of his way to show me that magic is real and that it exists and…” She pauses a beat, her exhale warming my chest. “You’ll always be irreplaceable to me.”
I let each of her words sink in, inhaling them through my bloodline. “And you’ll always be my first.”
Her head tilts to look up at me. “But we never…”
“You’ll always be my first love, Ava. Everything else is insignificant.”
She draws in a long, staggered breath, her eyes on mine. Moments pass and unspoken words have never been so loud, so clear. “Connor,” she whispers.
“I know,” I respond. And I do know. I know that the mistakes we’ve made are in the past and that our love is bigger than that. But our love isn’t bigger than life. And that life… that life is too hard for her right now, and I have to understand that. To accept it. I break our stare and take another sip of the hot chocolate.
“Hey,” she says. “Didn’t you want to tell me something?”
Right.
I wanted to tell her that she was my end game. That everything I’d done to get myself here was for her. Her and her mom. But I look at her now, and I see the clarity in her eyes. See the way she loves me without being in love with me, and even though it causes my heart to ache in ways I never thought possible, I don’t want to lose it. Or ruin it. I don’t want to let her go. “It was just about that multimedia project. I assume we’re going to go with some morbid murder?”
“Is there anything more fascinating?” she mumbles, settling her head on my arm again.
The front door opens, and Ava growls. “What now?”
I chuckle.
Trevor pokes his head out. “Two words. Texas. Barbecue.”
“Get lost,” she laughs out.
Trevor closes the door.
“Texas barbecue is pretty dope,” I murmur.
“I know, right? It’s the first point on my pros and cons list.”
“You have a list?”
“Yep.”
“What else is on the list?”
“Peter Parker will be there for the next four years earning his master’s.”
My stomach twists. “Is that a pro or con?”
A heavy sigh. “I haven’t decided.” Then she sits up, narrows her gaze on the mug I’m holding. “You sure are taking your time with that.”
I grimace. “I have a confession.”
“What’s that?”
“I hate chocolate.”
Chapter 13
Ava
Connor: Thank you. I think I missed your balloons the most.
Ava: lol. Trevor just saw the message and he thought you were talking about my tits. He wants to kill you now.
Connor: Oh, yay! Can’t wait to see him again.
Ava: You’re welcome about the balloon. Have a good game. :)
Connor: I will.
Ava: I mean BOOO! YOU SUCK!
Connor: lol
“Hey, Trevor?” I call out, getting Mom settled on the couch with a blanket and a trashy magazine.
He walks out of his room with the phone to his ear.