First and Forever (Heartache Duet #2) - Jay McLean Page 0,2
a shuddered breath, and I get to my feet. The movement’s enough for Connor to look up, deer meet headlights, and he stills. A strangled sound forms in his throat, his eyes wide and fixed on mine. “Hey.”
I come to at the sound of his voice, at the way his eyes drink me in. I look away and force myself to remember that we no longer exist. It’s just him and me… and the world that divides us. “Hi,” I offer, my false smile hiding my true agony.
“Ava just had some questions about her insurance policy,” Mr. Ledger says, and Connor nods without shifting his stare.
“I should go,” I mumble, then turn to Connor’s dad. “I put my number on the top there, so just call or message me once you’ve read over it. And thank you again. I really appreciate it.”
He smiles. “It’s no problem at all, Ava.”
I turn to leave, but a wall of Connor blocks my path. “Can I walk you to your door?”
Nerves fly through my bloodline. “If you want to.”
He turns on his heels, waiting for me to step beside him before saying, “My car broke down, and Karen gave me a ride home.”
I contain my scoff to a silent sneer. “She seems to be doing a lot of that lately.”
Connor’s grunt ends in a sigh. Hands shoved in his pockets, he keeps his mouth shut until we’re at my porch. “Ava, I need to know that you believe me,” he says, and I stop with one foot on the step and look up at him. “I get that you’re done with me, and as much as I hate that, I can’t force you to be with me if you don’t want to be.” I chew my lip because I have nothing to say, nothing to add. And so he continues, “I shouldn’t have lied to you. Yes, it was just me in her car that night, and yes, I was out longer than I told you. She drove us to the sports park, and after slapping me around for a bit, we played and talked ball all night—”
“And most of the morning,” I add, looking down, my arms crossed, shielding him from me.
He sways back a little as if hit by my words. “Yes,” he admits. “I lost track of time.”
“Because you were so busy enjoying yourself?” He doesn’t respond immediately, and so I say through the ache in my chest, “Because it’s nice to forget every now and then, to forget the pressures of life and just be a carefree, normal teenager?” When I look up, I see him watching me with anguish in his eyes. Or maybe it’s guilt.
He licks his lips, offers a half-hearted shrug. “I guess… I don’t know.”
“It’s kind of worse,” I croak out. “You having an emotional connection with someone else.” I fight to keep my tears hidden. “I’d almost rather you just fucked—”
“Stop it,” he interrupts.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I whisper.
“It does matter because I can’t walk away from this knowing you think that of me.” He takes a step forward. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t. Ava, you know me. You know me better than anyone else in this entire world. You know how much I love you,” he pleads, his voice cracking with emotion. “You know me, Ava,” he repeats, and I can feel the layers of protection I’ve built around my heart start to weaken, to shed, to disintegrate. He taps a finger under my chin, lifting, so I have no choice but to face him. To look at him. To see the sorrow and agony and desperation in his soul. He cups my neck, his forehead resting against mine. Breath warm against my lips, he whispers, “Ava, you know my heart.”
It would be so easy to kiss him.
To love him openly and without regret.
To ignore everything else.
But it would also be greedy.
And foolish.
And reckless.
“I believe you, Connor.” I push against his chest, forcing some space between us. “But we can’t be what you want us to be.”
Chapter 2
Ava
Sadness clings to Mom’s lashes while I cling to hope, and when her eyes close, the tears she sheds merge with the bath water up to her chin. I run the cloth along the scars on her face, then down her neck, and then to her amputated arm. “I’ll never be the same,” she whispers.
My hand stills. “No. You won’t,” I tell her honestly. “But only on the outside. Your heart is still the