First and Forever (Heartache Duet #2) - Jay McLean Page 0,18
that promise to you, and I’m keeping it. I just…” He pinches the bridge of his nose again, then heaves out a breath. “You know, Rhys threw me a birthday party, and he asked if I wanted to invite you and I didn’t even know what to say. Like, are we friends or…” He shakes his head, his eyes on mine. “What do you want, Ava?”
I listen to his entire speech, agony clenching at my life source. I stare up at him, breathless when I finally find my voice. “I was hoping we could be friends.”
He nods, his eyes dimming. “Ava, I…”
“What?” My gaze drops, so does my heart. “Just say it, Connor.”
“I don’t think I can be just friends with you. Not now. Not when I know what it’s like to have all of you.”
I fight to hold it together. “That’s fine.”
He sniffs once. “Can you give these to your mom?” he mumbles, handing me the flowers. “I forgot the last time I was over.”
Mom’s resting in her room when I get in, and so I unpack the few items I have, then place the flowers in a large plastic cup. Her gaze moves to me when I open her door, her eyes brightening when she sees the flowers. I settle them on her nightstand while I wait for her to sit up. She stares at the flowers, confused at first, and then a hint of a smile plays on her lips. She looks at them closer, entranced, her fingers stroking the petals. “So much color,” she mumbles.
“You like the colors?”
“Pretty,” she states, not once taking her eyes off them.
I tell her, my voice quiet as I struggle to hold in my heartbreak, “Connor got them for you.”
She nods. “Connor, six-five, but is hoping for a growth spurt.”
And even through my pain, I can’t help but smile. “That’s him.”
“He’s a good boy.”
“Yeah,” I say, wiping at the tears she doesn’t notice. “He is.”
Chapter 9
Connor
“You look like ass,” Oscar says, slumping down in the seat next to me.
It’s first period, new semester, new year, same shit.
I chose the table at the back corner of the room because I don’t even know what this class entails and the less attention I get, the better. “I didn’t sleep well,” I tell him, and it’s true. I spent most of the night staring at my phone, at the blinking cursor of the empty message addressed to Ava. I couldn’t think of anything to say. In my mind, I knew that I’d said everything I needed to. But it didn’t stop the hurt. And every time I closed my eyes to try to sleep, all I saw was the pain in hers when I told her how I felt.
But I don’t regret it.
I can’t.
Because everything I said was fact.
Oscar says, breaking through my thoughts, “You better shake that shit off by lunch. We got that pep rally in the gym, remember?”
I groan, slam my head on the desk.
“Welcome to multimedia,” Miss Salas announces, standing at the front of the class. “I hope you guys are ready to work this semester because there’s a lot to get through!”
The classroom door opens, and it’s just like the first time I saw her: a baby bird leaving the nest for the first time, a discombobulation of limbs. “Sorry,” Ava mumbles. Her hair’s down today, wild curls bouncing around. She hands the teacher a piece of paper, her eyes downcast. “I have a note from Miss Turner.”
Miss Salas looks at the note, her nose scrunched. “Will you be late after every session with the school psychologist?”
The class erupts in quiet giggles, and I ball my fists, my jaw ticking. The kid in front of me, Roy, calls out, “At least it’s not Alcoholics Anonymous like her mom.”
I kick the back of his chair. Hard. He rag-dolls against the edge of the table and screeches out in pain. Then he turns to me. “What the fuck, Ledger?”
I seethe, “How about you watch your fucking mouth?”
“How about you both watch your mouths!” Miss Salas shouts. Like she can talk. Who the fuck is she to throw Ava’s business out like that?
Okay.
So clearly, I’m still in love with the girl. That’s not going to change. I just need to find a way to shut out those feelings so I can move on with my life. And not with or for someone else, but for me. Because I’m drowning in those feelings, slowly, and it’s killing me.