Fires of War (War and Deceit #4) - Erin O'Kane Page 0,83

the procession on horseback with the other mages, and I’ve become so used to having him around that I’m already missing him, my bond throbbing in my chest.

I know it probably seems daft when such a small distance separates us now, and I will be seeing him again in only a few short hours, but if anyone knows how unpredictable life is, it’s us. I’ve learned you have to take the good while you can, because it can be quickly snatched away.

I feel several sets of eyes on me as I watch the guild pass us by, but I don’t acknowledge them, my mind a mess of twisted thoughts. I’m so conflicted, not about the males riding in the carriage with me this time, but the city we are slowly making our way towards. Arhaven has never been anything but a prison to me. Even when I was blessed by the Mother and Grayson saved me from slavery, I was still unable to leave the castle. I was still a prisoner, I just had better accommodations. When I fled, I was forced to leave my friends behind, which has been a decision that has haunted me ever since, and I’m not sure what I’m going to find on my return. I know the king will have something planned for me, that much is certain, but this is a lot of effort to go through just to get revenge on one woman. The fact that he has threatened Jacob’s life makes me think he does actually need my help with something… Although…

Jacob is my friend, possibly my brother, and there was never any way I was going to not go once I found out he was at risk, which is exactly why the king used him as bait in the first place. There is no doubt in my mind that he would harm his own son to get to me, after all, he slaughtered his wife, my mother, in front of his whole kingdom. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick, and I have to lean back in my seat for a moment, closing my eyes as I try to calm my thoughts.

Tor makes a low, rumbling noise of discontent in his chest, his hand gripping mine, and I know he’s struggling with my feelings through the bond. Taking a deep breath, I try to rein in my emotions, pulling them back and muting them so they’re not so raw. My mates shouldn’t have to suffer too.

“No.” Vaeril’s voice is sharp from the other side of the carriage. Opening my eyes, I frown over at him in confusion. He gives me a no-nonsense look. “Don’t pull away from us.”

I’m surprised. I hadn’t realised they would be able to feel me withdrawing, but even so, I’m trying to stop them from feeling my pain. They shouldn’t have to experience that. “But—” I start, but Tor shifts on the bench and cuts me off.

“No, he’s right.” Tor gently pulls me around so I’m facing him as much as I can on the carriage benches. He sighs and runs a hand over his face, dragging across his beard as he tries to put his feelings into words. In the tribes, they are taught to resolve everything through actions, particularly through fighting, so I know Tor doesn’t always find this kind of conversation easy.

“It’s difficult sometimes, feeling what you’ve been through, knowing I wasn’t there, that I couldn’t protect you.” His admission makes my heart ache. He’s told me before he’s always felt guilty that he didn’t find me when I was taken, but hearing it again is no easier. Leaning forward, he takes both of my hands in his, his eyes intense. “But I never want you to feel like you have to hide those feelings from me. Ever.” Closing the distance between us, he presses his lips softly against mine in a gentle kiss, so at odds to his tough exterior. “Understood?” he asks against my mouth, making me smile as I nod. Smiling in return, he kisses me again and sits back on the bench, not caring about our audience. A scowl suddenly clouds his expression as a thought occurs to him. “I may just kill the king for what he’s put you through though,” he growls.

“Agreed,” Vaeril purrs, his feline eyes locked on me.

“Seconded,” Eldrin comments at the same time, not looking away from the window.

The atmosphere suddenly changes in the carriage as Naril sits up and narrows his eyes