Fires of War (War and Deceit #4) - Erin O'Kane Page 0,42

to be too deep, other than the one on his right shoulder. When I pull back to look at his face, I realise how close I am to him. Sitting back on my heels, I avert my gaze, unable to meet his as shame runs through me. “Eldrin, I’m so sorry—”

“Well done,” he interrupts, his voice gruff.

Confused, my eyes shoot up to his, forgetting my shame in my surprise. “What?” I don’t think he’s ever praised me before, and he appears just as uncomfortable giving it to me as I am receiving it.

“You accessed your abilities,” he says simply. In fact, he sounds angry that he’s even having to explain, like I should know this already. “I told you to use your advantages. You’re never going to beat me with weapons.” Groaning, he leans forward and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. I watch him with a frown. His behaviour is completely out of character for him. I would expect him to be furious at me—after all, I just stabbed him multiple times with plants—but he’s congratulating me? Did I break him? Eldrin has never been the type of instructor who has been quick to praise. But here he is, talking about training, whereas my mind is stuck on the fact I could have killed him.

I can feel his gaze on me, and I suddenly realise I’ve been staring at my dirt-stained hands. I look up and meet his golden eyes. “You’re strong, considering you are only a quarter elf though,” he ponders, his eyes narrowing on me, and I ready myself for him to berate me. “And not subtle. At all.”

I stare at him in stunned silence, waiting for the reality of what just happened to hit him. Except it doesn’t, or he doesn’t seem to care what I just did to him. Am I really any better than those people who hurt him all those years ago? Or the queen? “That’s your complaint?” My voice threatens to break, so I push my anger into it, not wanting him to see how much this has upset me. “That I wasn’t subtle?” I have to work really hard to keep my tone even, but the leftover fear from thinking that I was going to lose him is making me angry. “I nearly killed you!”

He snorts. “Hardly,” he drawls, but his eyes are still examining my face carefully.

I’m torn between shaking him and pulling him into my arms and hugging him. My jumbled thoughts are a mess, my chest aches as my bonds twist, and my mates feel my distress, trying to reach me through our connections. I know I should reach out, soothe them, but my whole focus is on the pained expression of the scarred elf in front of me.

“I thought—” My throat constricts, cutting off my words as I think of the reality of what almost just happened. If that’s how these plants reacted to me in need when I called for their aid, what would it be like in the wood elves’ forest where the trees were sentient? “I thought I’d killed you. I could never live with myself if I had done that.” My voice is a whisper now, and I can’t hide my emotion from him anymore. His expression softens as he sees the pain on my face. He reaches out slowly towards me, as if worried I might shy away from his touch, but when I don’t, his finger brushes my cheek with a feather light caress, wiping away the tears that still cling there. When he pulls away, I release a breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding, my head a little dizzy, whether from lack of air or from his touch, I’m not sure.

Kneeling on the mossy ground, we continue to watch each other warily, neither one of us moving or making any indication that we should go. Something has changed between us, and I’m not quite sure what. He’s covered in wounds, and I know we should go back, get him checked over, but I don’t want to break this moment between us—whatever this is. Besides, then that will mean admitting to everyone exactly what I’m capable of, and I’m not sure I’m ready for them to know. For them to look at me like I’m a monster.

However, eventually, my sensible side wins out. I can’t leave Eldrin in pain just to save my ego. Shifting my weight, I look down at my hands and then back up