Fires of War (War and Deceit #4) - Erin O'Kane Page 0,26
honour than becoming your mate.” His words are slow and clear, and I know he’s making sure there is no possible way I could misinterpret what he’s saying. My stomach flips, and I can’t hold back the small, hopeful smile his words create. “In my culture—our culture,” he corrects, reaching out and taking my hands in his. “The bond is called ematus,” he begins, and I remember him explaining this to me before. It’s a unique blessing that’s given to two people from the mountain tribes by their gods and goddesses. “People who have ematus are paired because they are fated to do great things, and they complete each other. Without the other person, they cannot reach their full potential.”
He pauses, and I know he doesn’t want to say the next part, his finger tracing patterns on my palm as he procrastinates. “Not all bonded complete the bond, they can manage together like we do. But some fall in love and choose to complete the bond. You call it mating. It is irreversible and more sacred than marriage in our culture.” There’s a pause, and I feel my stomach flip again, his gaze deep, like he’s seeing into my soul. “Before I knew who you were, it was different, but as I got to know you, and when we got here, it became clear who you are—what you are to our people, the whole continent. You’re the goddess’ beloved!” Shaking his head, he looks away as he laughs bitterly at himself. “Maybe I handled it wrong, but there was no way I was going to rush you into accepting a bond with me. Not when you already had two complicated mates who, during the only two times they have met, have tried to kill each other.”
Watching him as he speaks, I realise he’s right. At least I can understand his viewpoint. The tribes are still quite religious and follow many strict rules, and although Tor is very relaxed about many of these views, I get the feeling the ematus bond is something he feels very strongly about. Now that I am a fully-fledged member of the tribes, we have to abide by their rules, so I have to take that into consideration when I complete my bond with Tor. Except his fated bond with me is no different than the ones I have with Vaeril or Grayson, the tribes just give it a different name. To me, in my soul, they are all permanently bound to me, and that is not something I take lightly.
However, the fact he’s given me space to work things out with Grayson and Vaeril before his own desires says a lot about him as a person. He put my happiness first, even though it made things more difficult for him. Squeezing his hands to get his attention, I smile teasingly as he turns to look at me. “For such a tough guy, you can be a big softie.”
Laughing, he rolls his eyes, the sound filling me with warmth and happiness, and I can’t help but laugh back. “Don’t tell anyone.” That simmering desire that’s been sitting in the background makes itself known once more, and he must sense it as, although his smile stays in place, his expression turns serious. “Clarissa, I love you. I always have.”
I want to just fall into his arms and let this force of desire overtake me, but the deliberate way he says the last part makes me pause. ‘I always have.’ That was no accidental slip of the tongue. Whatever he means by that, he said it on purpose, I just have to decide if I want to take the bait or not. Of course you have to know, my thoughts nag, and they’re right, now that I’ve noticed, I’m not going to be able to let it go.
“What do you mean you always have?”
Tor nods, like he was expecting me to ask but was also hoping I wouldn’t. “I can’t say much—”
A sudden moment of clarity hits me, and I don’t know why I didn’t work it out before. It was so obvious. “You knew me before, didn’t you? Before I was taken,” I ask, interrupting him, realising he must still be under some magical oath and unable to tell me what I truly want to know. Back in Arhaven when we first met, he once accused me of looking like his dead best friend. He’s always called me by a different name. He was always seeking me